Huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I'm on a 'secure line'
←Rate | 11-07-2013 20:31 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
←Rate | 04-17-2014 06:06 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
←Rate | 03-12-2015 05:37 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who work in retail: How do you do it??? I am merely a humble line participant, and I want to choke everyone around me.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 06:20 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my job was to make health questionnaires, I'd slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
←Rate | 03-19-2013 06:23 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon After you kill somebody with kindness, is there a way to "discreetly dispose of the body with kindness"?
←Rate | 10-21-2012 08:08 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite holiday special about a burglar whose crimes go wholly unpunished.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 06:17 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before forming an opinion on an important social topic, ask yourself: what would a completely unqualified millionaire celebrity actor think?
←Rate | 10-28-2014 10:24 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACT: Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
←Rate | 09-24-2013 02:10 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite yoga pose is mouthward facing pie.
←Rate | 01-29-2014 22:29 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon or the millionth time, yes Pandora, I'm still listening. What are you my wife?
←Rate | 09-15-2013 07:20 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm just a boy. In love with a girl. Standing here quietly. Behind your shower curtain. Watching.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 10:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
←Rate | 07-10-2012 09:44 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard
←Rate | 10-23-2013 01:33 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACT:There is no angry way to say ‘bubbles.’
←Rate | 03-19-2014 05:36 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon In 10 years I'm opening a lower-back tattoo removal clinic called 'Mom What's That?'
←Rate | 12-28-2012 07:43 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have to assume these next four weeks are incredibly difficult for anyone whose grandma actually was run over by a reindeer.
←Rate | 12-01-2012 09:57 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
←Rate | 07-09-2014 04:12 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Preferred Forms of Contact (In Order): 1) Email 2) Text 3) Social Media 4) Group Message 5) entering My Shower in a "Scream" Mask 6) Phone
←Rate | 11-14-2014 13:50 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon We live in a society that's the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
←Rate | 11-05-2013 04:55 by huck Comments (0)  

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