Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The owner of the local movie theatre passed away. His funeral will be at 2, 4:30, 7 and 10.
←Rate | 11-12-2011 12:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First lemme see the sandwich."
←Rate | 09-08-2011 10:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.
←Rate | 11-25-2010 19:13 by Aaron Comments (4)  


   messageicon Would it kill Barney to just eat a kid every now and then?
←Rate | 06-26-2011 23:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grandma complained no one ever calls so I put a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on her car. The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Egyptians, please chill the f**k out while we consult our groundhog for advice.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 14:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon New favorite term: Multislacking. It's nice to find a name for something you're good at.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dream of a world where even lactose is tolerated by everyone.
←Rate | 11-05-2012 15:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do not acknowledge the authority of this food court.
←Rate | 10-05-2012 02:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon if The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
←Rate | 02-19-2010 16:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ive created a fb group called "threesome" and invited two girls. I'm not going to say a word and just see what happens.
←Rate | 09-20-2011 11:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 21:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stared at the moon for an hour before I realized it was a toenail clipping that had stuck to the window.
←Rate | 07-07-2012 06:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome
←Rate | 09-13-2012 21:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
←Rate | 10-19-2012 10:14 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to find a needle in a haystack, burn the haystack.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 21:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bananas don't go back once they go black either.
←Rate | 01-17-2014 22:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first thing I do when someone introduces themselves to me is forget what their name is.
←Rate | 11-24-2012 20:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you havent pissed in 8 hrs
←Rate | 01-22-2013 20:45 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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