Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon One of the cooler things you can do when you die is be buried with an elephant bone, just to confuse future archaeologists.
←Rate | 12-04-2010 09:00 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.
←Rate | 01-19-2012 20:00 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We are upping our standards... so up yours!"
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:27 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The owner of the local movie theatre passed away. His funeral will be at 2, 4:30, 7 and 10.
←Rate | 11-12-2011 12:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.
←Rate | 11-25-2010 19:13 by Aaron Comments (4)  


   messageicon A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First lemme see the sandwich."
←Rate | 09-08-2011 10:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon At a four way stop, it's obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 22:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would it kill Barney to just eat a kid every now and then?
←Rate | 06-26-2011 23:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grandma complained no one ever calls so I put a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on her car. The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I've made poor life decisions" like a couch in your front yard.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 20:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people grunt at the gym; I scream at the top of my lungs THEY KILLED MY FAMILY as I lift weights.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 18:00 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spilling a full drink you just paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
←Rate | 11-12-2013 17:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Egyptians, please chill the f**k out while we consult our groundhog for advice.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 14:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon New favorite term: Multislacking. It's nice to find a name for something you're good at.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dream of a world where even lactose is tolerated by everyone.
←Rate | 11-05-2012 15:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do not acknowledge the authority of this food court.
←Rate | 10-05-2012 02:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you REALLY want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2022.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 11:39 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon if The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
←Rate | 02-19-2010 16:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome
←Rate | 09-13-2012 21:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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