Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Grandma complained no one ever calls so I put a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on her car. The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Egyptians, please chill the f**k out while we consult our groundhog for advice.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 14:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
←Rate | 09-05-2013 17:43 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon New favorite term: Multislacking. It's nice to find a name for something you're good at.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dream of a world where even lactose is tolerated by everyone.
←Rate | 11-05-2012 15:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do not acknowledge the authority of this food court.
←Rate | 10-05-2012 02:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon if The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
←Rate | 02-19-2010 16:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ive created a fb group called "threesome" and invited two girls. I'm not going to say a word and just see what happens.
←Rate | 09-20-2011 11:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome
←Rate | 09-13-2012 21:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 21:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stared at the moon for an hour before I realized it was a toenail clipping that had stuck to the window.
←Rate | 07-07-2012 06:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
←Rate | 10-19-2012 10:14 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to find a needle in a haystack, burn the haystack.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 21:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bananas don't go back once they go black either.
←Rate | 01-17-2014 22:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you havent pissed in 8 hrs
←Rate | 01-22-2013 20:45 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first thing I do when someone introduces themselves to me is forget what their name is.
←Rate | 11-24-2012 20:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you say, "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans," all I hear is, "There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."
←Rate | 12-14-2011 10:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
←Rate | 09-04-2011 19:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 22:22 by Aaron Comments (0)  


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