Funny Status Messages Search

X I think NASCAR would be fun if they added a 92-year old driving the opposite way in a Duster.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2010 00:40 by Aaron Comments (0)

X It's not that the elderly drive badly. It's just that they're the only ones with the time to do the speed limit.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2010 00:43 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I live and yearn.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2010 00:47 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Honey, remember to address the dog as "Dr." Scruffy. We didn't pay for eight years of post-grad obedience school for nothing.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2010 00:48 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I really hope cell phones aren't bad for us, but I would like the excuse: 'I can't talk right now. You're giving me cancer.'

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2010 00:50 by Aaron Comments (0)

X GET TO THE CHOPPER!!

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2010 01:58 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says I'm officially changing my TV remote's name to Waldo.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-01-2010 14:51 by Aaron Comments (0)

X What do whales eat? Fish and ships.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-02-2010 00:30 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I had a thought, then it smiled and waved goodbye.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-03-2010 15:07 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Time to put on my best sexual harrassment suit. It's much like my birthday suit, just... Okay, it's exactly like my birthday suit.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-03-2010 15:45 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Drugs give me the confidence to do things I never thought possible. Like, lead police on a 12 hour high speed chase.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-03-2010 21:41 by Aaron Comments (0)

X You guys, this is my first ever facebook status update sent from a toilet. Did I do good?

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-04-2010 17:39 by Aaron Comments (0)

X On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-05-2010 12:49 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Scientists say we use only 10% of our brain. Imagine how much better the world would be if we started using the other 60%.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-10-2010 10:16 by Aaron Comments (0)

X My gift horse is facing the wrong way

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-11-2010 00:19 by Aaron Comments (0)

X It is often said cooking is an art. But I have very few meals that I would hang on my wall.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-12-2010 23:38 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-12-2010 23:39 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Q. What do you call a French man in sandals? A. Philippe Philoppe

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-13-2010 13:23 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Profiling: when police stop only the cars that are driving on the sidewalk.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-17-2010 14:00 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says it possible that at Brett Favre's age he just keeps forgetting he retired?

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-17-2010 21:59 by Aaron Comments (0)