Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   always wondered why people with no teeth often buy the most expensive toothpaste.

   I'll tear down the stars and I'll give them to you. They're not as pretty as your eyes, but I guess they'll have to do.

   it just me or is it that flying and crawling insects enjoy getting sprayed on with can aerosol insecticides and watch you get frustrated while they pretend to die.....

   I walked into my local newsagent and noticed he put a "NO READING IN THIS SHOP!" sign up. So I grabbed four bars of chocolate and said "Which one of these is a KitKat?"

   Life is a b*tch, but she's totally "do-able!"

   if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen

   Don't push me! I will be forced to engage in a combat sequence, that should only end with your demise.

   You know its time to cut your finger nails, when your scrathing your balls and they start bleeding.

   Jeff Gordon vs. Jimmie Johnson...I love it when DIVA's fight!!

   when I hear a person say "My Mom didn't raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"

   anyone else as shocked as I am that a relationship between a cage fighter named Tito and the world's most famous porn star ended with domestic assault and accusations of drug abuse?

   I cant stand people who look down on people that look down on people

   throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes!

   1am... husband is snoring so loud I can't sleep! Tomorrow night I'm getting out the spray bottle and when he starts I'm giong to squirt him like a bad puppy! Yeah, I'll let you know that one turns out.

   Don't be humble. You're not that great...

   There's too much blood in my caffeine system...

   found out that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission...

   I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...

   Urban Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

   I find Reality tv very educating... Every time somebody turns on a show, I go into the other room and read a book...