Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yesterday I put in a bid for a “Cowboy Outfit”.. on ebay and now it seems I'm only six minutes away from owning the South austrailan Government!

   if you take a shot and yell "cinco de mayo!" its a celebration. If you take a shot and yell "Wednesday!" its an intervention

   A recent study conducted by UCLA just discovered that doing just about anything increases your risk of death.

   Cinco de Mayo...when we commemorate the sinking of the great Spanish Mayonnaise flotilla which liberated Mexico from the iron grip of the Spanish mayonnaise monopolies...

   So is this where I'm supposed to type a heartfelt sentence, or a quote or something describing how I feel and stuff? Cool, mine's far more complicated to be typed here.

   thinks that constant nagging of a girfriend is a real turn off...

   we call it MAY 5TH on this side of the border

   might not be the sharpest marble in the crayon box

   would like to thank all his friends who came out to his intervention. Let's get together and do this every year!

   get's the feeling that whenever Sarah Palin sees a Pro-Sarah bumper sticker, she rolls down the window, goes "WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP!!!!" and generally makes a fool of herself.

   wondering how Chad Ochocinco is celebrating his Cinco de May?

   should be a store without greasy, mcdonalds eating, welfare collecting ppl...We can call it "Smallmart"

   I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle....so they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my vodka :(

   A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin

   Never believe anything until it has been officially denied

   If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!

   Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy

   Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...

   I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises

   They send you off to college to try to gain a little knowledge, but all you wanna do is learn how to score