Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Relationships are like glass...sometimes its better 2 leave them broken rather than hurting yourself trying 2 put them back together!

   C.R.O.W.S = Can't Remember Our Winning Song

   Liquor & poker...or just play cards!!!

   My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.

   I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom took away his WII, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own a$$

   closed captions are like reading a book, except this book rocks!

   I play farmville and cafe world on facebook. Does that mean I have to file self employed on my taxes?

   thinks life ws much easier when Apples & Blackberies were just fruits.

   Loosely translated, Cinco de Mayo means "destroy their livers."

   Who the hell does my cat keep sleeping with to fall pregnant - she's the neighbourhood sharmouta :( I raised a skanky cat !!! *TEARS*

   lets just melt the ice... that will stop the smoke and i'll be on the plane again!!!

   If you can't multi-task, why should I. your computer

   If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two...he'll be back to his usual self.

   she touched the rainbow, she felt the rainbow n its nothin lik SKITTLES!!!!!!!

   we need to stop blaming obama for everything bush screwed up..then stop blaming bush for everything Clinton screwed up and then...oh you get it.

   Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

   If your Mexican, iFeliz Cinco de Mayo!. If you are Latin-American, Happy Cinco de Mayo! If you are none of these cultures, Happy Wednesday

   just paid my electric bill, so i'm kinda low on the stuff we trade out for those ice cold beers

   Jesus is coming, Quick, look busy

   Whenever I talk to Americans I get the feeling that they just think of us Canadians as "those-hockey-loving-white-Mexicans".