Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5921 of 6370
Sex is like Jenga: you pull out and try not to make a mess
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05-14-2010 18:57 by Joser
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What's another word for word?
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05-14-2010 18:57 by Joser
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I can't fall asleep with all these people honking at me. Go around!!
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05-14-2010 18:56 by Joser
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Yes, I know the muffin man, Why who wants to know?
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05-14-2010 18:56 by Joser
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When a guy asks what you do for a living he'll probably walk away when you answer, "Y0ur m0m." But the look on his face is totally worth it.
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05-14-2010 18:56 by Joser
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I have a better idea. Tell your boobs to stop staring at me, it's very distracting
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05-14-2010 18:55 by Joser
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Tony is telling everybody to remember that there are two words that will open a lot of doors for you " Push and Pull"
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05-14-2010 18:52 by tony ak
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God takes care of drunks and babies...do you know how lucky that is for drunk babies?
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05-14-2010 18:30
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Everything in this world seems to be made for right handed people...it's so frustrating for someone like me who's underhanded.
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05-14-2010 18:29
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Alcoholism is a progressive degenerative disease, or in lamens terms, "the afteraffect of marriage."
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05-14-2010 16:29
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Fashion tip of the day: Girls...when your toes have to grip the end of your "open toed shoes" when you walk, its probably not a good idea to wear them!
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05-14-2010 16:17 by Candi
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thinks that the reason I find FB so appealing is because it reassures me that I am not the only one that is not normal.
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05-14-2010 16:17
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'Me and my shadow' my @ss...whenever I get caught, that b!tch runs!
do you really want Miracle Water made by Rev. Peter Popoff.com
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05-14-2010 13:49 by one
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I don't know if I Should be mad at you or my phone.. because when you called me under "Restricted" my phone didn't use your specific ringtone. so now I'm stuck talking to you!!"
fighting crime at the source...i'm donating to Planned Parenthood.
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05-14-2010 13:26
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suppose evolution is true,a million years from now we'll have oil producing fish.
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05-14-2010 13:01
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there is a midget in line in front of me at the Walgreens. He has a bag of pork rinds and a box of condoms...my question...which one do you think was the impulse buy?
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05-14-2010 11:49 by htggems
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Seriously, dude in front of me at the register...digging in your pants for the last 2 minutes for change is making you look kinda creepy...
not sure we're using this internet thingy properly. He just Googled 'Partridge Family Theme Song Lyrics' and got 97,000 pages that had them. Seriously? He thinks one page is quite enough. Maybe 2, for a backup in case one goes down.
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05-14-2010 10:48
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