Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it me, or did American Idol invite all the senior citizens of Rock they could find??

   A Glimpse by defintion, is an impermanent thing!

   If dumping 50,000 barrels of mud on the oil leak fails, BP plans to simply cover the Gulf of Mexico with a large area rug.

   this country is not ran by democracy, but by communism.

   Yes, I saw you dance. No, I don't have a dollar

   OOPS ..there goes my kids all over your face !!

   You dont have to believe in your government to be a good American you just have to believe in your country

   asks how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets? Haha let's put some twists unto our tongue.

   looking at a Justin Bieber pic and beating my stuff like it owed me money! She is hot

   Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

   Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

   Don't worry I won't tell anyone.. and if I do, I'll tell them not to tell anyone.

   A cop pulls a guy over for weaving in traffic. He walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You drinkin?" The driver says, "You buyin?"

   I'm the author of my life.Unfortunately I'm writing in pen so I can't erase my mistakes

   A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

   If pink is for Breast cancer, brown should be for colon cancer.

   All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

   I would like to publicly apologize to the Taco Bell lady for interrupting her texting session by trying to place an order. Also for trying to place the entire order for 1, at one time, because since she was texting is was hard to concentrate on what I was

   I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! Nope, it's just not working...

   I am known for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around.