Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5850 of 5957

   messageicon Why does the MSM keep referring to the Parkland shooting as a "senseless tragedy"? I mean, come on. Is there any such thing as a "sensible tragedy"? It's a tragedy; just leave it at that.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 09:48 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Why is it called "Planned Parenthood"? Since they provide birth control and abortions it should be called "Prevent Parenthood".
←Rate | 04-10-2018 09:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a bad day to be a witch.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 11:30 Comments (1)  

   messageicon U failed Physics chemistry in High school and now you have the guts to comment with 'K' on my posts.What exactly do you know about *Potassium*....?
←Rate | 04-10-2018 11:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon A hacker has deleted Despacito from YouTube. The world is a slightly better place.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:37 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Next time I open up to someone is my autopsy.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm okay with knowing that no one thinks I am as funny as I know I am.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of the great things about having kids is that you can check your pulse using the veins on the side of your head
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:21 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon You really can't say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings?
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Knock knock. Who's there? FBI
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:54 by Guesswho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got back from Australia and realized I forgot to change the setting on my camera and now all my pictures are upside down.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 16:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I do not want to go bungee jumping. I came in this world because rubber broke, I don't want you to go out the same way.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 19:31 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Look what happened to Craigslist Casual Encounters! Now where are we supposed to go for sex with strangers and/or possible murderers?!
←Rate | 04-11-2018 02:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mark Zuckerberg is probably the last person we should trust, and I mean that both literally and alphabetically
←Rate | 04-11-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just want to point out that you won't find one bed or bath at Bed Bath and Beyond so they better come up with something spectacular for that last part
←Rate | 04-11-2018 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
←Rate | 04-11-2018 11:16 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Friend just told me he installed his own hot water heater and I am envious. All this time I missed out on getting my hot water even hotter.
←Rate | 04-11-2018 12:11 Comments (3)  

   messageicon If your post only says "I can't even" then I'm assuming the rest of it was meant to say "finish a complete sentence!"
←Rate | 04-11-2018 13:09 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left