Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I think daylight saving time should start on a friday at 4pm instead of 2am sunday morning.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 20:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Start getting it on with your girl at 1:58 am. Brag to everyone tomorrow that you lasted for over an hour!
←Rate | 03-10-2018 21:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the day that daylight saving time begins. Every husband should have sex with their wife at 1:55am this way the wife can't complain about it only lasting ten minutes
←Rate | 03-10-2018 21:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been sober for like 40 days. Not in a row, just 40 days total...
←Rate | 03-10-2018 21:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun fact: Daylight saving time is almost a 100 years old. It was enacted on March 19 1918.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 22:40 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm not one for eating oat-meal. My box of Quaker oats is so old that picture of the quarker on the box has brown hair.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 23:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun fact: Trump has been President for 407 days and he just spent his 100th day playing golf
←Rate | 03-11-2018 00:22 Comments (10)  


   messageicon Everyone just so happens to own a broken clock in Arizona tonight....
←Rate | 03-11-2018 01:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'd rather go camping with a stranger from Craigslist than go to your kids birthday party.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Condolences to Martin Shkreli's cellmate for the extra 20 years he's gonna get for definitely murdering Martin Skreli
←Rate | 03-11-2018 10:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s so cute when recipes only say 1/4 cup of cheese. Bless their hearts.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: These frog testicles are delicious! GIRLFRIEND: Those are peas.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 10:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ☆ List of things that will Make America Great Again ☆ 1. Dinosaurs
←Rate | 03-11-2018 10:33 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Thunderstruck just played at the gym and now I'm drunk on the treadmill...
←Rate | 03-11-2018 12:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop all your crying about losing an hour of sleep from Daylight Savings Time. Business travelers experience it every single week...
←Rate | 03-11-2018 13:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't change my clocks because I decided to relive the past. There are so many things I'm going to do differently this time.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 17:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of Martin Shkreli going to prison, the price of lube has been marked up 5,000%.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 18:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except for imitation grape soda; real grapes have never quite gotten over that one.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 20:34 by Grapelade Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does everyone keep asking me how to change their clock? My Betamax has been blinking midnight since 1983...
←Rate | 03-11-2018 22:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I lost an hour reading all the tweets about how people lost an hour this weekend
←Rate | 03-11-2018 23:55 Comments (0)  


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