Funny Status Messages

   It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

   The Backstreet Boys are boycotting British Petroleum. I think I'll wait to see what the New Kids on the Block are going to do.

   "Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left."

   "Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times."

   "No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office."

   [Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

   "The sweetest age in the world is sixteen, or whatever age your daughter is."

   Nothing makes food less fattening than being too expensive.

   A penny saved is a girlfriend lost.

   "While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, remember, it usually spoils faster."

   looks like I wont be updating my status anytime soon..

   sometimes a majority simply means that most of the fools are on the same side.

   Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve bottles of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

   dont understand women...its very simple. I put my hand on your hip, when I dip you dip, we dip

   Lets Just call MacGyver out of retirement to fix the BP oil leak and call it a day!

   If your eyes are positive you would like all the people in the world.But if your tongue is positive all the people in the world like you.

   donates £2 a month to starving Africans - and what do they do? Go out and buy a f-kin trumpet!

   The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening."

   A bachelor is a man who comes to work each morning from a different direction.

   The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk."