Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5847 of 6370
hopes Joran van der Sloot gets the electric chair...then he'll be called 'The Frying Dutchman'
It's a lot easier to fall into trouble than it is to work out of it.
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06-15-2010 14:10
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It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
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06-15-2010 14:08
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The Backstreet Boys are boycotting British Petroleum. I think I'll wait to see what the New Kids on the Block are going to do.
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06-15-2010 14:08
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"Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left."
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06-15-2010 14:07
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"Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times."
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06-15-2010 14:06
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"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office."
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06-15-2010 14:06
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[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
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06-15-2010 14:02
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"The sweetest age in the world is sixteen, or whatever age your daughter is."
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06-15-2010 13:59
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Nothing makes food less fattening than being too expensive.
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06-15-2010 13:58
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A penny saved is a girlfriend lost.
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06-15-2010 13:56
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"While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, remember, it usually spoils faster."
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06-15-2010 13:53
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looks like I wont be updating my status anytime soon..
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06-15-2010 13:49 by jdpower
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sometimes a majority simply means that most of the fools are on the same side.
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06-15-2010 13:47 by Bradley
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Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve bottles of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
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06-15-2010 12:49
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dont understand women...its very simple. I put my hand on your hip, when I dip you dip, we dip
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06-15-2010 11:00
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Lets Just call MacGyver out of retirement to fix the BP oil leak and call it a day!
If your eyes are positive you would like all the people in the world.But if your tongue is positive all the people in the world like you.
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06-15-2010 10:42 by abbybaby
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donates £2 a month to starving Africans - and what do they do? Go out and buy a f-kin trumpet!
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06-15-2010 10:38 by @clarkysj
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The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening."
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06-15-2010 10:11
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