Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So a high school 1st year asked me if I knew the symbol compound of Hydrogen Sodium....I said NaH...
←Rate | 03-07-2018 05:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Viagra is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft
←Rate | 03-07-2018 05:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm suffering from Insania. Its sort of like Insomnia, only its the voices in my head that cant sleep.
←Rate | 03-07-2018 13:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the teacher pointed her ruler at me and said their's an idiot at the end of this ruler. I said which end?
←Rate | 03-07-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (2)  

   messageicon My son is really struggling with english in school. Nobody else in his class can speak it.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:17 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon . My mother in-law is drowning, I've informed emergency services. Hope they get my letter in time to save her.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
←Rate | 03-08-2018 09:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But with your help, we can put a well in their home village. Hi, I'm Sarah McLachlan....
←Rate | 03-08-2018 10:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon David Dennison is my President.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 12:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any way I see it Jack and Jill were both idiots... Who in the hell goes up hill to find water?
←Rate | 03-08-2018 14:09 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Melania was a Democrat, she would be on the cover of every magazine and hailed by the media for her grace, language and beauty.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 14:27 Comments (7)  

   messageicon Like if you ever got charged for not rewinding a VHF tape
←Rate | 03-08-2018 17:34 by Fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Neighbors state that old McDonald "had" a farm and the last time anyone saw him he was screaming vowels into the air. Back to you, Jen.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This dentist just told me I need a crown, and it's a relief to finally start getting some recognition around here.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't really afford Essential Oils so let's see what we have in the pantry.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:46 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's
←Rate | 03-09-2018 03:03 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:54 Comments (0)  

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