Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just got a good deal on a hamster from a puppy mill...he's really cool, he doesn't even need a wheel because he has no feet...yeah I like to just move him around the cage every few hours :)

   knows it is a sure sign of Autumn, when the Tea Party Witch, Christine O'Donnell from Delaware, makes chowder in her cauldron.

   If racism never existed, what do you get?.......Smarter people for one.

   Standing outside on my front lawn with my pants down waiting for Google Earth to pass by and take a picture

   Get OVER the FOX Bashing!! If you spend all day watching all stations?? Then shut UP!! I believe in Fain & Inbalance.. I'm just saying..

   Sorry I didn’t call you back, I got distracted for 7 years when I had kids

   FYI West Coast friends: If your just waking up, you might want to put floaties on. Just saying......

   wishes there was a relationship status that says "not in a relationship, but is not single. Its complicated."

   'GO GREEN AND USE BOTH SIDES OF THE TOLIET ROLL'

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion even if it is right.

   Wine her, dine her, sixty-nine her.

   So I guess with the pandemic raging in India, the scammers will either have to work from home or cough their way through the IRS scam script

   Just saved alot of Money on my Car Insurance by fleeing the Scene of the Accident.

   those who think printing koran on toilet paper is good better would be to print bible as there are more followers

   Trying to watch Ellen but the picture is shaky. Pisses me off because Michael J Fox is on today, and I like him.

   Did you hear that there's a "no fly" zone over San Diego on Sunday...... a huge lightning storm is coming....... grounding all "Jets"......GO BOLTS!!!

   One of the stars of Borat 2 is under investigation for possible criminal activity at the direction of a Home Alone 2 cast member.

   went into a elementary school and told the kids santa isnt real

   Maybe you thought it was black ice because you are stupid?

   Women have special powers. They get wet with out water, They bleed with out injury, They make boneless meat get hard, and make men eat with out cooking