Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
←Rate | 02-17-2018 09:14 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Today’s hairstyle at Walmart is called, “And I didn’t brush my teeth either.”
←Rate | 02-17-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saved a$1,375.00 on my Visa card by not going to Disney World .
←Rate | 02-17-2018 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If running on a treadmill was only way to Recharge our phones, we would be the healthiest people on the planet
←Rate | 02-17-2018 21:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Scotty, don't beam me up yet. I am taking a dump.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 03:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I see house flies in the flies near why do I never see dragon flies on episodes of Game of Thrones?
←Rate | 02-18-2018 19:56 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon NBA All Star Game: Fergie sang that National Anthem so bad, Collin Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the Anthem like that.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 21:46 by JW Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess Prince Harry realize that Trump can't make the royal wedding great.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 22:14 Comments (5)  

   messageicon I just bought the "Best of 2 Pac” CD and it's blank.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Atheists, spending all their negative energy and life talking about God until they become plant food. What a waste
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon God created the world in 7 days, but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I'm a big deal
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:58 Comments (1)  

   messageicon What's a burnt pizza, frozen drink & a pregnant girl have in common? In each case there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe they remade the Pink Panther movie and changed the name since it stars a b|@ck guy instead. It is just pathetic how blatantly unoriginal Hollywood has gotten these days.
←Rate | 02-19-2018 07:27 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
←Rate | 02-19-2018 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
←Rate | 02-19-2018 11:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
←Rate | 02-20-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was younger I use to carry an extra pair of panties in my purse in case I got lucky. Now I carry them in case I sneeze
←Rate | 02-20-2018 01:39 by Jane Comments (0)  

   messageicon China Travel Tip: If You're mugged by a chinese guy don't even bother reporting it to the Cops. They will probably narrow it down to some 53,000 suspects which will give you a bigger headache than you already have
←Rate | 02-20-2018 04:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am more likely to answer a call of nature than from my credit card company
←Rate | 02-20-2018 04:52 Comments (0)  

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