Funny Status Messages

   on a scale of 1 to justin bieber , how gay are you?

   sarcastic comment loading... ████████████ 95% ... wait for it... wait for it..

   --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death

   learned to never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   iPhone 4: Loses bars when you hold it, gets lost in bars when you don't.

   When I'm drunk you're hot, when I'm not, you're not.

   Yes, I realize I'm leaving early. But don't forget, I also came in late.

   If two trains leave New York, one heading west at 40mph and the other heading south at 35mph, where are my car keys?

   To whoever said "fight fire with fire": do you actually test your own advice before giving it?

   I laid awake all night again worrying about why I'm always so tired

   Bond. Hydrogen Bond.

   I'm not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.

   That thing people do with their mouth when they're using their tongue to get food out of their teeth, I bet there's porn for that.

   Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.

   Saw a fashion report saying that with low riding jeans in style, butt cracks are the new cleavage. What was wrong with the old cleavage???

   Bowl cuts will never go out of style. Unless they somehow become stylish first.

   A friend of mine told me he doesn't drink beer. I wonder what he does with it?

   Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question. I'll ask it once again. Why are you hitting yourself?

   The gang war between the squirrels and the raccoons must be escalating, based on the number of drive-by victims on the side of the road.