Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5825 of 6370
in honor of Michael Jackson, I think I will start the day off with the famous "crazy feet" dance and end with grabbing my foster home sack!!
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06-25-2010 09:09
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... the weather guy just said, "We'll keep you up to breast" instead of "abreast." Guess this heat is getting to him, too ...
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06-25-2010 08:06
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A ducks opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have any bread.
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06-25-2010 07:58 by Freak
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I never knew how corny some of my friends were before I added them on Facebook.
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06-25-2010 07:56
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on a scale of 1 to justin bieber , how gay are you?
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06-25-2010 05:23
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sarcastic comment loading... ████████████ 95% ... wait for it... wait for it..
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06-25-2010 03:15
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--^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death
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06-25-2010 03:14
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learned to never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
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06-24-2010 23:55 by mullerman
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Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.
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06-24-2010 23:35 by Joser
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iPhone 4: Loses bars when you hold it, gets lost in bars when you don't.
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06-24-2010 23:34 by Joser
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When I'm drunk you're hot, when I'm not, you're not.
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06-24-2010 23:32 by FCMS
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Yes, I realize I'm leaving early. But don't forget, I also came in late.
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06-24-2010 23:27 by Joser
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If two trains leave New York, one heading west at 40mph and the other heading south at 35mph, where are my car keys?
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06-24-2010 23:25 by Joser
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To whoever said "fight fire with fire": do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
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06-24-2010 23:25 by Joser
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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I'm always so tired
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06-24-2010 23:24 by Joser
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Bond. Hydrogen Bond.
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06-24-2010 23:23 by Joser
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I'm not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
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06-24-2010 23:21 by Joser
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That thing people do with their mouth when they're using their tongue to get food out of their teeth, I bet there's porn for that.
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06-24-2010 23:21 by Joser
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Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.
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06-24-2010 23:20 by Joser
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Saw a fashion report saying that with low riding jeans in style, butt cracks are the new cleavage. What was wrong with the old cleavage???
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06-24-2010 23:19 by Joser
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