Funny Status Messages

   Facebook is a procrastinators best friend

   understands this whole concept of cooking and cleaning. What I don't understand, and has not been sufficiently explained, was how this all applies to me or why I should even try?

   there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs.

   Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

   me people need a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up

   I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass!

   Common sense isn't common

   Today's subliminal message is . . .

   Just put together my first "Ikea" furniture.....wow some real cardboard CRAP!.......Hey Sweden, here's a bright ikea.....KEEP IT

   I kissed a girl on the playground in the summer of '96. Maybe someday she'll find me and we'll hook up again. Who Knows, Until then I'll keep chasing brunettes with big boobies."

   I don't believe I ever heard a man speak worse English with more difficulty, than Christiano Ronaldo in that Castrol commercial xD

   We have Gandhi - India...beat that...Oh wait... he believed in non-violence

   thinks that calling some people "white trash" is an insult to styrofoam.

   I didn't say it was your fault...I said I was going to blame you.

   knows that running the air conditioner 24/7 hurts the environment, but the Earth needs to be punished *somehow* for being so bloody hot.

   Shocked Justin Bieber did not win a BET award.....don't worry Justin neither did Hanson, Nelson, or Hasseloff.

   Aibohphobia -- fear of palindromes (ironically it is a palindrome)

   just thrown out of church: I put $100 in the offering plate and the Priest was so excited he asked me to come up front and pick three hymns. I replied, <pointing> I'll take him… and him… and him….

   If my plane is about to crash, I doubt I'll be using my seat as a "flotation device." More likely, it's gonna be used as a toilet.

   making some changes in his life. If your not on my friends list any longer, you were one of the changes........