Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'll bet if two antennas fell in love, the wedding wouldn't be anything special, but the reception would be excellent.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 07:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see on Twitter that January 13 is National Rubber Duck Day. On Wikipedia I learned that this bill was signed into law by President Ford in 1975 after it barely squeaked through the senate.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 09:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up on brain-dead zombies. Oh wait. Sorry, wrong channel. This is "The View".
←Rate | 01-13-2018 11:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 11:21 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 11:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Norwey is one of the richest countries per Capita in the World! Why would they want to come to your s**thole country, USA?
←Rate | 01-13-2018 12:11 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You learn something new every day. Countries that have 90% poverty and you cant drink the water are paradise, instead of the $h1tholes we though they are.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 12:18 Comments (6)  

   messageicon Look son, you march right back in there and take that Batman costume off. I'm the Batman of the family and YOU KNOW IT!
←Rate | 01-13-2018 13:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women drivers be like Did I just run over someone?
←Rate | 01-13-2018 14:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "One day, I hope to travel to Botswana to gonto school and become a success sonmy children will have it easier than I did" siad no one, ever.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 17:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe someone should tell Bowflex we don't want our living room smelling like a gym.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 17:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I took my wife to the dog show and she won.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 19:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Q: How do you play the ISIS bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1...
←Rate | 01-13-2018 22:47 by XX-FOXY Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’m sorry my dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 06:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please don’t suggest a product to me that’s not available at Walmart.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 06:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any single women looking to sexually abuse a grown man, asking for a friend. . .
←Rate | 01-14-2018 12:31 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon If only tru mp called them sh1t$shows, then no one would be mad.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 16:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wouldnt want to live in the s**thole even if it was called Hati
←Rate | 01-14-2018 16:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My last exam was a bigger failure than FOX's show, Son of Zorn.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 17:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look, all I am saying is that you never see The Predator and Whoopi Goldberg in the same room at the same time.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 17:47 Comments (0)  

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