Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon my body: please, eat something green me: ugh, fine! *eats mint chip ice cream*
←Rate | 08-14-2019 06:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Researchers at the University of Minnesota say movie theater popcorn may cause memory loss. See, that explains why Hollywood keeps making the same movies over and over again.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 06:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police in Florida have arrested a man who said he finally achieved his goal of shoplifting in all 50 states. You know what you call someone who steals from all 50 states? Congressman.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk & asks for a condom. They ask "Shall we put it on your bill?"...He says "Are you thupid! I'll thuffocate!"
←Rate | 08-14-2019 06:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump has been under investigation for two years. None of his enemies has committed suicide.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 11:05 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are all the porn sites down at the same time? What am I suppose to do now, my job?
←Rate | 08-14-2019 11:27 by DonaldTrump Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police in Florida have arrested a man who said he finally achieved his goal of shoplifting in all 50 states. You know what you call someone who steals from all 50 states? Current president.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Dow Jones is way down. Yay, I'm so happy!
←Rate | 08-14-2019 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always silky. He had to condition it.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 13:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching The Wiggles on repeat.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 13:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does Chewbacca have 2 nipples like a human or two rows of them like an dog??
←Rate | 08-14-2019 14:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the aliens from Area 51 don't escape. I don't want to pay for their healthcare too.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 15:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the below pays tens of thousands of dollars on healthcare since he thinks he's a big man, paying full price for his healthcare.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 16:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesssssss!!!!! A recession is coming!!!! This is the greatest day of my life!
←Rate | 08-14-2019 16:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are still areas in the Middle East without peace and where women don’t have equal rights. I was certain Jared and Ivanka would have fixed that by now.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And his opponent, coming down the aisle, from Sheffield, Alabama, weighing 180 lbs, he is Moscow Mitch McConnell!
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With all the technology today, how is it possible that the "mullets make you look like a total tool" message has not made it to all people?
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband just solved a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune with only 2 letters turned on the board and he leaned over to high five me. If anyone wants to high five him back, he’s still waiting.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:50 Comments (0)  




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