Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon forgot to pick up candy so it looks like I'll be passing out old VHS tapes, colored socks, #2 pencils, some paper clips, and a pack of tighty wities.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 16:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon so who has actually used trigonometry since they left school?
←Rate | 10-31-2009 16:05 by Kal-El Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 15:30 by baldweezy Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy and paste is the greatest...
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorized reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon somewhat skepitical you're laughing out loud as much as you claim.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My alarm clock and I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I'm awake & it's broken. Not sure who won the fight
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon out of order until further notice. We apologize for the inconvenience.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 13:13 by @bigger23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon saw a one armed man in a second hand store the other day.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 13:02 by Sire Comments (0)  

   messageicon The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 11:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders When did LuLuLemon become the preferred clothing line for overweight and out of shape people?
←Rate | 10-31-2009 11:15 by Vitamin N Comments (0)  

   messageicon The first cigarette I ever had I smoked behind Grandpa's barn. It made me dizzy, and I coughed a lot. "Don't worry, that always happens with the first one," said Grandpa. "Try another one." And you know, he was right.~Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
←Rate | 10-30-2009 18:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was seven, I told my friend Timmy Barker I would give him a million dollars if he would eat an earthworm. He ate the worm, but I never gave him the million dollars. As of last week, all I had given him was $9,840.
←Rate | 10-30-2009 18:33 by jg Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rocks!!♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫
←Rate | 10-30-2009 18:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just got his swine flu shot. It's made with real bits of swine, so you know it's good.
←Rate | 10-30-2009 18:22 by Joshua C. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went downtown today and instead of trick or treating I saw some women offering trick and Gonorrea for 10 bucks.
←Rate | 10-30-2009 17:39 Comments (0)  

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