Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5809 of 6369
"Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything"
The only thing I will help you with on Farmville is a slaughterhouse...lemme know when you're ready for a BBQ.
married the perfect woman. You know how he knows? Simple. If something goes wrong, it's never her fault. It's always his.
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06-30-2010 22:57
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most problems can be solved with good friends, good chocolate, or good beer. For everything else, there's duct tape.
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06-30-2010 22:40
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So what America didnt win the world cup..We still got "Two Girls One Cup"....
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06-30-2010 22:38
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not Danny Phantom but if a girl says she is pregnant then he is going ghost
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06-30-2010 22:28
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Summer weather; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...
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06-30-2010 22:11 by Joser
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If your relationship is so complicated that you have to identify it as such on Facebook, you should probably get the hell off Facebook and go fix it.
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06-30-2010 22:11 by Joser
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thinks that if at first you don't succeed, you should pray that your future Honor Roll student takes care of you.
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06-30-2010 22:10 by Joser
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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06-30-2010 22:07
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Has anyone invented exploding vuvuzelas yet? (Please don't steal my idea.)
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06-30-2010 22:06
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For sale: A horse. Will consider trade for a kingdom.
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06-30-2010 22:06
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Some T.V celebs are jumping on the Sarar Palin bandwagon. Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel
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06-30-2010 21:35
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I met the most hardcore vegetarian ever. She was also a lesbian..
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06-30-2010 21:32
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A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool...
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06-30-2010 21:23 by Joser
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Just woke up from a colonoscopy with my smock on backwards, Barry White music playing in the background and my doctor with his feet kicked up smoking a cigarette and told me everything went just fine…
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06-30-2010 20:04 by @cox.net
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Yeah, let me get this right, a guy name Samson gets his super strength from his hair? Is this what rational people actually believe? Sounds like a bad hollywood movie idea with Michael Bay production values.
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06-30-2010 18:43 by Tracy
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I asked my son if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "capital F!
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06-30-2010 18:40 by Ace
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stayed up half the night waiting for this special lunar eclipse everyone was all excited about...only to find out it was some silly movie. Now I'm tired too...
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06-30-2010 17:58
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Never looking back doesn't make you an optimist, lady, it makes you a horrible driver.
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06-30-2010 17:53 by Joser
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