Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon reading a book on the history of glue. and can't put it down
←Rate | 08-24-2009 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks Laziness is the mother of all vice...but its a mother & you should respect her!!!
←Rate | 08-24-2009 14:41 by Rohil | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if cops ever get pi$$ed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:34 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:33 by CMJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is..
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:30 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:29 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!!
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Caught in the act... what act is that? If I told you, I would have to kill you... best you don't know
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:25 by Bunnyguts | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon subpeoning you to appear before my high court of tea and cookies, to give evidence of our combined awesomeness.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 12:16 by Bunnyguts | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found Jesus, he is cutting my grass with Jose, Miguel, Juan, Pedro, and el chuey!!!
←Rate | 08-24-2009 10:04 by Psym0n | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon surprised how we live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police...
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:45 by Madz Comments (0)  


   messageicon just saw barbie sitting on pinnochio's face screamin "lie you damn puppet, lie!!"
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:44 by Madz Comments (0)  


   messageicon amazed at how thirst-quenching beer can be on a hot day like today. My goodness!
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:20 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon feeling like a cowboy who doesn't know whether he's been snakebit or shot in the ass.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:15 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon received a fortune cookie that read, "You are a prince among peasants". Wow, the fortune cookie guys finally got it right! ;)
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:13 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't drink anymore. He doesn't drink any less either...
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:11 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't care if his neighbors see him walking around in his Spiderman boxers. It's Tuesday!
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon knows you laugh at him because he's different. He laughs because you're all the same.
←Rate | 08-24-2009 02:06 Comments (0)  


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