Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If I found out I was going to be burned at the stake, I think I'd fill all my pockets with popcorn kernels
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:47 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Viagra has instructions, keep away from children - what kind of man do you think I am?
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:47 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I throw a dart at my wall calendar to decide what day it is. Thanks to my bad aim, today is Window.
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:47 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. ..... happy thursday everyone
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:47 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:46 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties.
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:46 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon jumped off the building so he can fly. Now if I could jus grow some wings
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:10 by Reg | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon life is a journey. The bus is just late
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:08 by Reg | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon decided to donate some fat, any takers??
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:07 by Reg | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon lying in my lovers arms...ahhh my arms are soo soft
←Rate | 05-19-2009 22:06 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I'm getting older I've noticed my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used
←Rate | 05-19-2009 20:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon guesses Chris Brown sure taught Rihanna how to breathe with "no air"
←Rate | 05-19-2009 18:38 Comments (1)  


   messageicon has secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg. Will her guests be able to tell the difference?
←Rate | 05-19-2009 18:35 by Gina Comments (0)  


   messageicon stuck in the moment and he can't get out of it...
←Rate | 05-19-2009 18:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon watching the news and doesn't understand the fuss about gay marriages and weddings...flowers, classical music, people dancing to the village people and sister sledge...aren't all weddings Gay?
←Rate | 05-19-2009 17:14 by Vybe | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon wouldnt be caught dead with a necrophiliac!
←Rate | 05-19-2009 16:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon believes that just thinking about acupuncture is pointless.
←Rate | 05-19-2009 09:12 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon "kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken!"
←Rate | 05-19-2009 09:04 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon pretty much an exclamation mark in human form...
←Rate | 05-19-2009 08:20 by Dragon-king | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks the last place he'd like to be beamed is "Up Scotty"
←Rate | 05-19-2009 08:20 by Dragon-king | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  



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