Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon wonders how people who work in BubbleWrap factories get ANY work done at all.
←Rate | 07-30-2010 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the world really was going to end in 2012, the bankers would find some way to "stall" it....they ain't going to let people get away with not paying their 25 year mortgages.
←Rate | 07-30-2010 10:54 by collin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish it sounded less gay when I said at last nights BBQ that "i'm craving a wiener." oh well, live and learn.
←Rate | 07-30-2010 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's status is brought to you by the letters T G I F...
←Rate | 07-30-2010 09:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon spotted a few cornballs on his friends list...
←Rate | 07-30-2010 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whats the first? That little drop of water that makes it back up in there before you can squeeze it shut.
←Rate | 07-30-2010 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon whats the second quickest thing in the world? Your butthole closing after letting go of a turd.
←Rate | 07-30-2010 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon has performed extensive experiments in the shed and can scientifically conclude that a cat has only one life.
←Rate | 07-30-2010 07:12 by @SteveHarvey_ Comments (0)  


   messageicon How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
←Rate | 07-30-2010 07:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a commerical for the snuggie, I thought it was a stupid idea but I couldnt change the channel because my arms would get cold
←Rate | 07-30-2010 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a certain sign of who will wear the pants suit in your marriage is when the wedding reception has a Vegan menu and a gluten-free cake!
←Rate | 07-30-2010 00:32 by smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes
←Rate | 07-29-2010 23:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what's the point in knocking when you can just text someone that you're outside their house.
←Rate | 07-29-2010 22:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought the show was called "Blue's Clues", not "Weird White Dude With A Bowl Cut Hogging Up The TV".
←Rate | 07-29-2010 22:27 by Sharon Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎9 out of 10 people believe that out of 10 people 1 will disagree with the other 9
←Rate | 07-29-2010 22:09 by Lacey Comments (0)  


   messageicon when your sitting at redlight, surrounded by people. Do you toss your McD's bag, old paper work and junk mail out the window? No?..then why the hell do you flick your half smoked cig out, like its acceptable behavior?! You jagoffs!!
←Rate | 07-29-2010 21:20 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The witch in Hansel and Gretel, she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house, and these brats come along, and start eating it.
←Rate | 07-29-2010 21:19 by Julius Andres Comments (0)  


   messageicon As time passes you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will. Love what you've got. And remember what you had. People change, things go wrong but life goes on
←Rate | 07-29-2010 20:35 by SUPA SAM Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or is Ed Hardy and Affliction in an all out war with each other to make the douchiest t-shirt possible. These things are like 95% rhinestones and glitter, these shirts scream I touch myself when I watch Brokeback Mountain.
←Rate | 07-29-2010 20:27 by bunnyguts Comments (6)  


   messageicon William Shatner (capt Kirk) will be staring in a new sitcom based on a twitter feed. This isn't the first show inspired by social networking. "Dateline Predator" was based on Myspace.
←Rate | 07-29-2010 20:14 Comments (0)  




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