Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My wife is an animal in bed, a sloth..
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Parenthood is the scariest Hood you will ever go through.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve never met a nap I didn’t like.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just tried to unfriend someone I am not even friends with.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The first 5 items on my bucket list are just different places I'd like to nap.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I carry a kazoo in my fanny pack in case anyone initiates small talk.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My morning exercise routine includes snooze presses. I like to get in at least 5 reps.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 12:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't wait to watch The Walking Dead tonight...otherwise known as the most anticipated commercial break event of the year
←Rate | 04-15-2018 20:30 by Migasjoe Comments (0)  

   messageicon What a great interview on ABC. I especially loved it when James Comey says President Trump is a serial liar, treats women like “meat” and is a “stain” on all who work for him. Greatest show ever!
←Rate | 04-16-2018 00:03 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Sure your baby's cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you love something set it free because you’re intolerable and love is a prison
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does this dental floss refuse to let me toss it into the bathroom trash can?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't post it, how will anyone else get to read it?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm tired of making me happy. Someone else needs to take a turn.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon In the 90s, we had scaredies: group photos where one person looked afraid the stranger taking the picture was going to steal their camera.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People in my office act like they've never seen someone in formal working pajamas before.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:36 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like it when I'm accidentally a genius.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just want to suffocate, sorry I mean love you.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So if Carrie Underwood's injury requires 40 stitches and her face comes out looking like that, where do I sign up?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 10:07 Comments (0)  

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