Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You really can't say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings?
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Knock knock. Who's there? FBI
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:54 by Guesswho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got back from Australia and realized I forgot to change the setting on my camera and now all my pictures are upside down.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 16:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I do not want to go bungee jumping. I came in this world because rubber broke, I don't want you to go out the same way.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 19:31 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Look what happened to Craigslist Casual Encounters! Now where are we supposed to go for sex with strangers and/or possible murderers?!
←Rate | 04-11-2018 02:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mark Zuckerberg is probably the last person we should trust, and I mean that both literally and alphabetically
←Rate | 04-11-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just want to point out that you won't find one bed or bath at Bed Bath and Beyond so they better come up with something spectacular for that last part
←Rate | 04-11-2018 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
←Rate | 04-11-2018 11:16 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Friend just told me he installed his own hot water heater and I am envious. All this time I missed out on getting my hot water even hotter.
←Rate | 04-11-2018 12:11 Comments (3)  

   messageicon If your post only says "I can't even" then I'm assuming the rest of it was meant to say "finish a complete sentence!"
←Rate | 04-11-2018 13:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Daddy, when will our GP waiting time go down, now all the foreign doctors have gone home?
←Rate | 04-11-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want my obituary to read: "She laid down the boogie and played that funky music till she died."
←Rate | 04-11-2018 15:41 by ZumbaDi Comments (0)  

   messageicon i thought mark zukerberg was supposed to look like justin timberlake?
←Rate | 04-11-2018 16:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way Fox news channel distorts the news they should change their name to FAUX NEWS :)
←Rate | 04-11-2018 23:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll never forget the thrill of that first kiss or the night I decided to keep someone else's Tupperware.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some days parenting's like The Sound of Music but with less singing and more hiding from the Nazis.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relationship status: Maybe it’s time I learn to crochet
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I stand by the unlikely threat I made when I thought you couldn’t hear me.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  

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