Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I clearly like all the music on my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle...then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes
←Rate | 09-28-2009 23:06 by that guy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
←Rate | 09-28-2009 22:29 by bigboyindiego Comments (0)  

   messageicon busy creating an excuse for not coming into work tomorrow.
←Rate | 09-28-2009 19:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thinks everybody makes mistakes. Just ask ur mom and dad
←Rate | 09-28-2009 14:34 by Bunnyguts Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boyfriend came home from work upset and asked me to console him, I hit him over the head with his XBox
←Rate | 09-28-2009 13:51 by chris smith Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why, if you send someone a fruit basket, you are thoughtful. If I mailed someone an orange and a banana, they'd wonder, "What the hell is wrong with that guy?"
←Rate | 09-27-2009 13:28 by Ron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two guys came knocking at my door once and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said: "Oh, no, what's he done now?"
←Rate | 09-26-2009 11:50 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
←Rate | 09-26-2009 07:37 by Nate Comments (0)  

   messageicon refuses to get his pizza from Pappa Johns anymore after finding out what he did to Mackenzie Phllips
←Rate | 09-25-2009 21:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon at the Video Music Awards on her mobile ...ihg32h9gj0fk0kfkkkkkkfmmnnn273fbf111... ...FOR F*** SAKE KANYE LET GO OF THE KEYBOARD!
←Rate | 09-25-2009 20:00 by jojo Comments (0)  

   messageicon went to a baseball game yesterday with my new girlfriend. We played a game where I would kiss her on the strikes, and she would kiss me on the...
←Rate | 09-25-2009 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't like gay people... blame the str8 people...they're the ones who keep having gay babies.
←Rate | 09-25-2009 12:58 by Graydon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thinks it's funny to watch people who drive Hummers, swerve to avoid potholes
←Rate | 09-25-2009 06:02 by Hunter Comments (0)  

   messageicon "the greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." – George Washington
←Rate | 09-24-2009 23:51 by Daniel Heck Comments (1)  

   messageicon just dropped skittles in the toilet and flushed....... it was like a 10 second Nascar race
←Rate | 09-24-2009 23:25 by TK Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tommorow I am going to finish every conversation with "ACCORDING TO THE PROPHECIES"
←Rate | 09-24-2009 21:02 by Daniel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Laugh…and the world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically, for no apparent reason, and they'll leave you alone.
←Rate | 09-24-2009 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hang on a sec, I'm about this close to getting the hi-score on Donkey Kong!!
←Rate | 09-24-2009 11:54 by Taj Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to know whats up with girls and big-ass sunglasses. You don't pollinate flowering plants.
←Rate | 09-24-2009 09:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with... "according to the prophecy"
←Rate | 09-24-2009 05:22 by Ace Comments (0)  

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