Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The busiest person at the White House is whoever has to update the office contact list.
←Rate | 03-31-2018 07:50 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I have a night light in my room because it makes me feel safe. Nothing scares a monster more than a low wattage light bulb shaped like a Donald Duck.
←Rate | 03-31-2018 10:47 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Ghosts be like "I'm evil, I've been here for hundreds of years and you should be terrified. And the best example of my fearsome power will be to close this door a little bit."
←Rate | 03-31-2018 23:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "don't put all your eggs in one basket" .....good thing we use store bags
←Rate | 03-31-2018 23:45 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if April 2 is April Fool's Day and we've been April Fooled all this time?
←Rate | 04-01-2018 07:07 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love millennials. Their are so many parallel parking spaces they don't know how to park.
←Rate | 04-01-2018 20:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

   messageicon I am making an omelet out of Cadbury Eggs and jellybeans.
←Rate | 04-02-2018 17:13 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

   messageicon I told my kids the Easter bunny is lazy...He didn't even cook or color the eggs and he hid them all in my fridge
←Rate | 04-02-2018 20:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor told me to stay off sugar until I’m done taking the meds he prescribed, he has 28 twitter followers, what does he even know?
←Rate | 04-03-2018 05:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The larger the implants, the more likely women get confused by a push/pull door
←Rate | 04-03-2018 05:56 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you receive a text/forward that says, ”Send it to all your friends,” then please don't consider me as your friend while forwarding it, thanks
←Rate | 04-03-2018 05:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I already finished my chocolate bunny. Next year I want a chocolate moose.
←Rate | 04-03-2018 09:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the Lord is my shepherd, He shaves my entire body to make sweaters
←Rate | 04-03-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The shooter most likely got tired of not been able to skip ads on youtube
←Rate | 04-03-2018 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon why do they call it delivering a baby if you still have to take the baby home yourself?
←Rate | 04-04-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're not satisfied with your life? Complain about it on Facebook, God must be subscribed to your updates
←Rate | 04-04-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My Housemaid thought it was a weighing scale. Conclusion: My Housemaid weighs 750 dollars.....
←Rate | 04-04-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you
←Rate | 04-04-2018 07:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most effective way to remember your GF's birthday is to forget it once
←Rate | 04-04-2018 07:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night I ordered my whole dinner in French. Even the waiter was impressed, because it was a Chinese restaurant.
←Rate | 04-04-2018 08:58 Comments (0)  

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