Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "It wasn’t me" - First rule of fart club
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You kiss the end, then seductively lick the length without breaking eye contact as you place it in your mouth. I love the way you eat bacon.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I can’t taste myself on your beard when your finished, then your not done licking.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:01 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’m wingin’ it so hard I might fly away.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [during sex] Hey, thanks for doing this with me.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: I don't get mad. I get even Me: sounds like you're still mad
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't thought about murder enough lately.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:47 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I lost money in the John Wayne toilet paper co. The T.P. was so ruff it wouldn't take sh*t off of anybody.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 18:20 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon ‪The first idiot to complain that it’s too hot this summer is getting hit with a 10lb. bag of ice!‬
←Rate | 04-08-2018 20:32 by Guest Comments (0)  

   messageicon Daddy, all the Mexicans are gone, why haven't you got a job yet?
←Rate | 04-08-2018 22:44 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You know you're broke when American Express calls you and says: "Leave home without it"
←Rate | 04-09-2018 00:23 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon a bisexual a person who pays for sex?
←Rate | 04-09-2018 00:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to strengthen your abs: 1. lie down and put your hands behind your head... Wow, what great position for a nap, better take a nap.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A white lie is like a regular lie except it orders a grande, iced, sugar-free, vanilla latte, with soy milk from Starbucks.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't make me go all shouty capitals on you ...
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

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