Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 21:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard there was a party in your pants, but she is pretty sure she won't be coming
←Rate | 11-17-2009 20:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:43 by Kal-El Comments (2)  

   messageicon Dating is for suckers who are spending a lot of money and aren't getting any.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks our exit strategy for Iraq should involve "leaving" through Iran
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:31 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon so... when does everybody think the sun will blow up?
←Rate | 11-17-2009 19:27 by Kal-El Comments (0)  

   messageicon walking through the forest dressed as a deer
←Rate | 11-17-2009 18:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why people who work at Tim Hortons are SLOW? I mean come on are you that screwed up in which you actually have to ask someone if they "would like a tray" for those 5 coffees they ordered. Use your brain people!!!
←Rate | 11-17-2009 18:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon : BREAKING NEWS.... Scientist have discovered a cure for apathy, but no one seems to care.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 16:16 by wfbphoto Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 15:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon was a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting
←Rate | 11-17-2009 14:40 by anna Comments (0)  

   messageicon fairly certain the only reason that so many stupid and obnoxious people are still alive is that murder's illegal
←Rate | 11-17-2009 14:36 by Methical401 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if "I Am" is the shortest sentence in the English language, does that make "I Do" the longest sentence?
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard the Washington Bullets want to change their name to something not associated with crime. They're just gonna be called the Bullets.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon find that job you love and never work a day in your life
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:52 by Ram Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mondays aren't so's my job that sucks.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon spends 90% of his salary on booze and women... the rest I just waste
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:13 by john ambler Comments (0)  

   messageicon A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys are like roses. You've got to watch out for the pricks.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men are only as loyal as their options.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:03 Comments (0)  

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