Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon says my wife just accused me of being self-centered.... I nearly fell off my throne!
←Rate | 10-10-2009 21:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jesus saves..., He passes to Moses!; Moses shoots!..., HE SCORES!!
←Rate | 10-10-2009 21:03 by Peebs Comments (0)  

   messageicon me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces, a sentencewithoutspaces...
←Rate | 10-10-2009 14:06 by sellers82FB Comments (0)  

   messageicon i would give you a dozen roses, 11 real and 1 fake, then tell you that I will love you till the last one dies...
←Rate | 10-10-2009 14:00 by sellers82FB Comments (0)  

   messageicon did you hear about that kid napping? yeah the poor kid just woke up..
←Rate | 10-10-2009 13:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon angrier than a piano player in a marching band.
←Rate | 10-10-2009 11:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you see the new scratch off Lotto tickets at the Quikee mart? The jackpot is a Nobel peace prize!
←Rate | 10-10-2009 01:10 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear NASA, thank you for wasting 75 million government dollars to bomb the moon because you THOUGHT you saw "ice"..... I mean really? I think I see ice in a pothole on my block, can I have 200 mortar rounds and a launch tube so I can make sure I'm right?
←Rate | 10-09-2009 22:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon has a request…if something should happen to me would someone change my status and harvest my farm town crops?
←Rate | 10-09-2009 16:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon got a call this morning at 5:30 and found out I won the Nobel Peace Prize because I thought peace sounded like a good idea. I turned them down becuase I hadn't done anything to win it. Anyone here who the runner up was?
←Rate | 10-09-2009 16:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nobel Prizes are not for what you are "trying" to do, they are for what you have actually achieved. I nominate myself for a Nobel Prize in Medicine for my "efforts" in finding a cure for hangovers.
←Rate | 10-09-2009 11:32 by danimal88 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never critisize your wife's judgment. . . .look who she married
←Rate | 10-09-2009 10:50 by Irwin Smith Comments (0)  

   messageicon NASA is only bombing the moon to help get rid of werewolves...
←Rate | 10-09-2009 09:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the weekend draws near.. oh liver, you know I love u..
←Rate | 10-09-2009 01:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear mom while I have been away at college I have learned to make rational and accountable decisions while I'm drinking. However we may or may not have a drunken cat on our hands.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 22:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I brush after every meal.And the Dentist says my hair looks lovely.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:51 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon how come no matter how prepared you are for your toast popping up you still get a shock?
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:48 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon just found out why the chicken crossed the's really not that funny
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:41 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

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