Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

   Dear, what-ever doesn’t kill me. I’m strong enough now, thanks.

   What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit?-Mr.President.

   Listening to Johnny Depp talk is like watching a turtle wade though quicksand.

   A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

   Welcome to social media… A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

   I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.

   What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.

   The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

   A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

   As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

   You didn’t think the left would give up their thought police monopoly without a fight, did you? ~ Feds open investigation into Elon Musk.

   Elon Musk spent 44 billion sending woke narcissists into a spiral of depression and honestly, it was money well spent.

   The greatest thing that we can do for our children, is to abolish the department of education and toss it on the ash heap of history.

   #whoremembers ~ If you read that as whore members, we’re probably friends.

   Monkeypox & the 11 people who still believe the media.

   Go ahead and get that tattoo, your family is already disappointed.

   How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.

   If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.