Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon somebody needs to invent a Keurig but for booze
←Rate | 03-15-2018 10:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Right Now: Fox News: Deadly bridge collapse in Miami. CNN: Trump witch hunt. MSLSD: Trump witch hunt.
←Rate | 03-15-2018 16:25 Comments (6)  

   messageicon Overheard the boss telling the new guy, "I don't care if you ARE Winnie the Pooh. You still have to wear pants to work!"
←Rate | 03-15-2018 16:35 by CarlIreton Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been married for 14 years. The bad part, I don't recall ever breaking two mirriors.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 00:16 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know I'am a man and not a mouse. If I were a mouse my wife would be afraid of me.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 00:19 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Mexicans may not be happy with the building of trump's wall. But they will get over it.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 00:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man who is not married tends to go through life enjoying his life.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon *Will trump list the people on welfare or social services as dependents on his tax form
←Rate | 03-16-2018 06:46 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Bose is a Bengali Stereo type.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 11:46 by SA1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife passed some gas. I told her it was rank. She said to treat it like aroma therapy.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 12:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long do you think Tomi Lahren will wait to start sending nudes to Donald Trump Jr?
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So many accidents with Hillary. I'm not even sure she still alive, maybe they're just dragging her body like in Weekend at Bernie's
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:28 by David Comments (0)  

   messageicon [ordering from the dollar menu] me: hi i'll have 7 dollars please
←Rate | 03-16-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I'm saying is grape juice is just underachieving wine.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 15:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I STILL remember grandpa's last words to me. Lighting a match next to the gas pump, he said, "What's this warning label say?"
←Rate | 03-16-2018 17:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I sucked at my job I would want to spend time away from it too and play golf.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 21:46 by 25the45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I can't wait to see who gets fired next week on Celebrity Appresident.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 00:33 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I just busted three plastic spoons trying to eat an avocado that has a sticker that says "ripe and ready to eat."
←Rate | 03-17-2018 00:50 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Mexican word of the day is Chicken Finger: Jose left his wife and said "Chicken finger herself for now on!!
←Rate | 03-17-2018 10:22 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Plan to change the air in your tires soon. Replace that winter air in your tires for best inflation during summer months. Most mechanics will do this for you for free on April 1st.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 11:04 Comments (1)  

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