Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hold my jean jacket. Someone just insulted Savage Garden.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:40 by @kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am very patient with people because I don’t interact with any.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is in everyone’s best interest to just keep scrolling
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel like my relationship with the Walking Dead started so great and we had some good times but now we’re only staying together for the kids.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Weekends are for losers who can tell a difference from one day to the next.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My phone rang so now I need to get a new one.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happier than a Goth Girl being carried off by a flock of ravens.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone tells you you can’t do something, ignore them. That’s how people trick you into doing things.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw an elderly couple kissing passionately and I thought to myself, I want that... stop immediately.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had to tell my kids Stormy Daniels was a scientist because our country is ridiculous.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:10 Comments (2)  

   messageicon if the brown delivery truck is UPS,why doesnt FEDEX change their name to DOWNS since they are their opposing company?
←Rate | 03-13-2018 05:56 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wanted a Garcia why Vega but couldn't afford it so I rolled some tobacco in a piece of brown grocery bag paper. It was close, but no cigar.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 07:57 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I may not be the richest guy in the world...or the smartest guy in the world...or the funniest guy in the world...or the best-looking guy in the world...or the ..... Aw hell, now I'm depressed...
←Rate | 03-13-2018 08:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary is now on reason #549 why she lost the election.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so strange that whenever the News sources predict this months ago, the GOP and Russian sympathisers call it "Fake News". I'm starting to see a pattern
←Rate | 03-13-2018 10:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't fight in the Cold War just so we can be friends with Russia!
←Rate | 03-13-2018 11:14 Comments (2)  

   messageicon It's kinda awkward when you are wiping away a girl's tears and accidentally her eyebrows too
←Rate | 03-13-2018 12:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it’s not beauty.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 23:23 by Karmadoll Comments (0)  

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