Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I can’t decide if I should get married again or try to get a blow job from a great white shark.
←Rate | 06-21-2018 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm searching the back of this fridge for a beer like a Democrat searching for someone to hold up as a victim
←Rate | 06-21-2018 08:45 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Nobody blamed the lightsaber....then again, they didn't let every stupid moron have one.
←Rate | 06-21-2018 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is being heartless and full of hate the cool thing to do in this era?
←Rate | 06-21-2018 10:33 Comments (9)  


   messageicon Yesterday, the Dems got what they wanted! Then realized they didn’t get what they wanted. Trump played them. And I’m gonna get what I want in 2020...Trump re-elected!
←Rate | 06-21-2018 12:30 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Oh btw, if the Dems really cared about keeping families together, they would DROP their support for Planned Parenthood!
←Rate | 06-21-2018 12:45 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sad news out of Ohio. The inventor or the helicopter ejection seat died from severe head trauma.
←Rate | 06-21-2018 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped watching Vikings when Ragnar Lothbrok died.
←Rate | 06-21-2018 15:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon wife: Why did you drink all the rum? me: I lost the cap
←Rate | 06-21-2018 16:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The apocalypse doesn't care what your credit score is.
←Rate | 06-21-2018 16:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The inventor of the helicopter ejection seat has died from severe headache.
←Rate | 06-21-2018 16:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Like the 20th century used sex to sell things, the 21st century uses rage. Wonder what it will be for 22nd?
←Rate | 06-21-2018 17:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if the "space force" ever drops a dirty bomb on Uranus, they better call it "operation taco bell"
←Rate | 06-21-2018 23:41 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon New MAGA Campaign Slogan for Pride Month: Make America Gorgeous Again.
←Rate | 06-21-2018 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What? WikiLeaks is endangering lives and is unamerican? Wow, you don't say? Gee, what a surprise.....
←Rate | 06-22-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman Comments (2)  


   messageicon MAGA - Macdonalds and Golf Again!
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Haven’t been able to show my face at the nearby McDonalds since I accidentally asked for a happy ending.
←Rate | 06-22-2018 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cook, clean, and run errands because I know I can't compete with a vibrator.
←Rate | 06-22-2018 09:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how important you think you are. You should do what you learned in kindergarten; be patient and wait your turn.
←Rate | 06-22-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  




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