Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So the Canadian prime minister contacted Kentucky before the president did after the shooting. When did Canada become better than us?
←Rate | 01-25-2018 23:17 Comments (2)  


   messageicon With the time difference between the eastcoast and westcoast. When you air travel from east to west. You literally are time traveling to a time that you already experienced.
←Rate | 01-25-2018 23:23 by Justathought Comments (3)  


   messageicon My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
←Rate | 01-26-2018 00:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like....... "well i'm bored, lets go brush our teeth!"
←Rate | 01-26-2018 05:06 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Different ways to say "NO": German: Nein - Russian: Niej - Arabic: La - Women: Yes, but ...
←Rate | 01-26-2018 05:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of the best decisions I've ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
←Rate | 01-26-2018 05:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In this day and age where kids expect their parents to do everything for them, it's encouraging to see them washing out their own mouths with soap.
←Rate | 01-26-2018 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1 in 6 Millennials has a 100k saved, while 5 in 6 have 100k worth of tattoos...
←Rate | 01-26-2018 11:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever wonder if pandas know they're cute?
←Rate | 01-26-2018 13:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To help prevent teen pregnancy. High schools should hand out a C.D. of a crying baby instead of comdoms.
←Rate | 01-26-2018 19:50 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon I signed up for aerobics classes and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
←Rate | 01-27-2018 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife giving you the silent treatment? Just loosen all the jar lids and keep the silence going !
←Rate | 01-27-2018 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
←Rate | 01-27-2018 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say time & water carved the Grand Canyon. I washed my underwear 20 times in Tide with Bleach and yup, skid marks still there.
←Rate | 01-27-2018 10:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl? Who doesn’t love a good overdog story?
←Rate | 01-27-2018 13:23 by iccic Comments (0)  


   messageicon This entire gender neutral thing has gone too far. I just saw a commercial on tv for Mama John's.
←Rate | 01-27-2018 14:00 by Zenith-Nadir Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Sentimental Growth Story Me: Can you please grow? Hair: Nah..! Muscle: Nope..!! Salary: Don't even dream..!!! Tummy : Bro, for you anything.
←Rate | 01-27-2018 14:53 by RAMANIYER Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't know them personally. Don't take what they say personally.
←Rate | 01-27-2018 15:25 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon People were shocked when they found I wasn't a good electrician. :-)
←Rate | 01-27-2018 15:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm okay with you being stup!d, but when you're both stup!d AND stubborn, then Houston, we have a problem.
←Rate | 01-27-2018 16:53 by Zenith-Nadir Comments (0)  



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