Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon This dentist just told me I need a crown, and it's a relief to finally start getting some recognition around here.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't really afford Essential Oils so let's see what we have in the pantry.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:46 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's
←Rate | 03-09-2018 03:03 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only way to know a relationship is going well, when she feels comfortable taking a dump at your place
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to Fart Quietly Again
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heading to WcDonald's for a Big Wac
←Rate | 03-09-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm feeling down and someone says "Keep your chin up!" I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and tell them "Walk it off!"
←Rate | 03-09-2018 07:47 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Spring is acting like a deadbeat dad... like are you coming or not.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 09:02 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Uh oh...FOX News report claims Ivanka, Kushner, Kelly, McMaster are on departure list from the White House. So much mixed emotions.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 16:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

   messageicon National meatball day. A day in the honor of David Dennison
←Rate | 03-09-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't run from my problems.i sit on the couch,play with my phone,and ignore them like all other adults.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 23:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2 idians running water and falling rocks went hunting in the mountains But only running water returned back to the tribe A scout went looking for falling rocks but never found him And to this day you'll see signs in the mountains watchout for falling rock
←Rate | 03-10-2018 01:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams
←Rate | 03-10-2018 04:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar
←Rate | 03-10-2018 04:27 Comments (0)  

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