Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Inside my house I have a smaller house that keeps food cold and an even smaller house that heats food up...
←Rate | 01-08-2018 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 17:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, I couldn't snap out of it...Then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 01:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be nice to overweight people. They have a lot on their plate.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If given a choice between getting a tattoo or throwing my money on the ground, whoever is behind me is going to be very happy!
←Rate | 01-09-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 17:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do dragons blow out candles on their birthday cake?
←Rate | 01-09-2018 17:58 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon You millenials have it so good --- we could only like 6 songs max and had to carve their names in a rock
←Rate | 01-09-2018 18:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald J. Trump. The "J" stands for genius.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 18:18 by Mr.Conservative Comments (6)  


   messageicon Musical Electric Chairs. For death row inmates. Lets make it fun and televise it. . .
←Rate | 01-09-2018 19:15 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of people were confused at the grand opening ceremony of our ribbon-repair business
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:57 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon "O say can you something something" - Donald Trump singing our National Anthem.
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:59 Comments (10)  


   messageicon Apparently these new inkjet cartridges were improved to show that the printer is already out of ink
←Rate | 01-09-2018 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies......If it takes you more than a hour to get ready, you aren't as cute as you think you are
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still don't understand why Oprah didn't use "Come to Oprah and Winfrey gifts!" as a slogan for her show
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to start eating healthy but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so its not there to tempt me
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know French too: Jean val Jean is French for "pants more pants"
←Rate | 01-10-2018 17:50 Comments (0)  




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