Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm going back home to ponder why climate change isn't real because it's cold outside.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 16:54 by Mr.C Comments (2)  

   messageicon Be right back, I'm gonna go pet that dog. Me, drunk, about to get butted by a goat. 🐐
←Rate | 12-29-2017 19:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

   messageicon Was at a restaurant earlier and when I asked for the check the waitress said "Do you wanna box for your food?" and stunned as I was all I could say was "No ma'am, I'm against violence. Can I just pay with my card?" What is this world coming to?!
←Rate | 12-30-2017 05:04 Comments (7)  

   messageicon Caitlyn Jenner claims Bruce fondled her for over 50 years.
←Rate | 12-30-2017 07:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tomorrow is New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don't drink and drive and become the nut
←Rate | 12-30-2017 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You say Imagine Dragons, I say any other group than that
←Rate | 12-30-2017 18:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the New Year, I resolve to be more resolute in making revolutionary resolutions.
←Rate | 12-30-2017 20:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
←Rate | 12-30-2017 21:09 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 06:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 13:52 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon There was a study done on the effects alcohol has on walking. The results were staggering.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 23:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you were born in september. There a good chance your parents started the new year with a bang.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 23:38 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy new year! The south still lost the civil war.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 02:35 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 02:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s time for a new holiday, where people give gifts they don’t want.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 04:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold, I actually saw a gangsta pull his pants up.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just accidentally keyed someone's car with my nipples.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never tie your shoelaces in Paris.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whew ... made it through December and managed to stay below Venezuela’s debt level
←Rate | 01-01-2018 12:37 Comments (0)  

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