Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Rumor has it there's a Tesla floating out in space somewhere. Finders keepers!!!
←Rate | 02-06-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kylie Jenner named her baby Stormy... So let me get this straight.... The Kardashians now have a Stormy, North, Chicago with a Saint?!
←Rate | 02-06-2018 18:49 by ChrisBosley Comments (0)  

   messageicon idk why the amazon CEO doesn't cal l himself the "Amazon Prime Minister"
←Rate | 02-06-2018 19:06 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eagles deflated tom brady
←Rate | 02-06-2018 21:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon had a mix up at the store today when the cashier asked me to strip down facing her she apparently was talking about my debit card..
←Rate | 02-07-2018 05:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ran out of post-it notes, now I don't know how to remind myself to buy more.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 07:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If David Letterman moves to Canada, does he have to change his last name?
←Rate | 02-07-2018 09:06 by markf Comments (1)  

   messageicon I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 10:28 by MDS Comments (1)  

   messageicon I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
←Rate | 02-07-2018 11:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know oranges can be male or female? If it squirts in your eye without warning it's a male and if it's bitter for no reason it's a female.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 15:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women who say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In India, when they say there’s an elephant in the room, there’s an elephant in the room
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man to a super cute air hostess : Whats your name? Air Hostess: Eva Benz Man: Lovely name, any relationship with Mercedes Benz? Air Hostess: Our Maintenance cost is the same
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Almost Valentine's day. Don't worry if you've been dumped, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding, the oil spill killed them all
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw what came out of me, so I highly doubt I am beautiful on the inside.
←Rate | 02-08-2018 08:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My calculator is missing the minus button, but on the plus side it still works.
←Rate | 02-08-2018 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
←Rate | 02-08-2018 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For every women that has rejected me . I'm going to give them chocolate covered Tide pods for Valentine's day
←Rate | 02-08-2018 13:11 by loverboy Comments (1)  

   messageicon I am going to call KFC to make a reservation for Valentine's Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the staff answering the phone
←Rate | 02-09-2018 04:13 Comments (0)  

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