Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When my Bank Balance Depresses me, I Look at my Email Spam Folder to check the Nigerian Prince Million Dollars I have been left behind
←Rate | 02-02-2018 04:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that only when you fart silently is when somebody rushes towards you to talk, hugs you, or rather sits behind you?
←Rate | 02-02-2018 04:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite word is "apparently" because it makes any statement sound sarcastic. "He's intelligent. Apparently."
←Rate | 02-02-2018 08:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Which tastes better, Coke or Pepsi? Neither. The answer is Beer.
←Rate | 02-02-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the memo sees iys shadow today it means four more years of Trump?
←Rate | 02-02-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once my boss told me to dress for the job that I wanted, not for the job that I had. And I felt real stupid in the next sales meeting dressed like Batman.
←Rate | 02-02-2018 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Groundhog Day to any hole-dwelling rodents who happen to be reading this.
←Rate | 02-02-2018 13:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only have 2 regrets in life. Some girls I wished I slept with and some girls I wish I hadn't!
←Rate | 02-02-2018 15:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The GOP memo is out and it said the groundhog saw it's shadow which means one more year of Trump aaaannnndddd I don't know what the hell I'm talking about....
←Rate | 02-02-2018 17:03 by Gabe Comments (1)  

   messageicon I heard that Rosie O'Donnell saw her shadow today. I guess that means 7 more years of Trump.
←Rate | 02-02-2018 18:19 Comments (6)  

   messageicon Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't
←Rate | 02-03-2018 03:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who is Valentines? And why is my Wife talking about her a lot lately?
←Rate | 02-03-2018 03:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So like, this rancher thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 98. So he rounded them up.
←Rate | 02-03-2018 09:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 12 days to Valentine... ...wives have become more polite than customer care..
←Rate | 02-03-2018 10:11 by RAMANIYER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Notice the subliminal message in the Wendy's commercial her necklace reads mom.
←Rate | 02-03-2018 18:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon BOSS: I see you got the memo about not vaping in the men’s restroom? ME: [vaping in the ladies restroom] I did.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 04:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ordered and ate a bowl of soup at Red Bowl last made Miso sick.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some days I feel like I own waterfront property on $h!t Creek.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before we announce the winner of the Best Bomb Defuser award, let's pause for a moment to remember the runner-ups.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 10:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a lover of nature. Where do I go to see this superb owl I keep reading about?
←Rate | 02-04-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  

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