Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon When you have more than what you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not ignoring your call, I just get so excited when I see the caller ID I faint!
←Rate | 01-03-2018 12:41 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon One good thing about this winter snow storm, is it makes my lawn look as good as my neighbors.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 14:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon It was so cold today, I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 21:21 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon What a beautiful country, shame about all the Libtards.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 01:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You'll never be the man your mother is.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 01:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eat chocolate pudding all the time, everywhere you go. Use chopsticks and a diaper as a bowl.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 01:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That one sounded like a dirt bike with a bad muffler.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 01:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's 2018 so that means the millennium is legal.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 05:49 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon In California, ever day is now 420
←Rate | 01-04-2018 06:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Gym was so crowded today I had to skip my workout. Fortunately, the line at KFC was shorter than usual. Already in Love with New Year's resolution
←Rate | 01-04-2018 06:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man Came home,saw his wife with his friend in Bed,he shoots his friend, Wife Says, "If you behave like this ,you will lose all your friends."
←Rate | 01-04-2018 06:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:08 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to a bicycle.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never hear songs about wishing they could all be Texas girls.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 12:24 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 01-04-2018 23:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint
←Rate | 01-05-2018 00:12 by Luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends are a lot like trees they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe
←Rate | 01-05-2018 00:13 by Luka Comments (0)  

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