Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon In the New Year, I resolve to be more resolute in making revolutionary resolutions.
←Rate | 12-30-2017 20:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
←Rate | 12-30-2017 21:09 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 06:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 13:52 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon There was a study done on the effects alcohol has on walking. The results were staggering.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 23:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you were born in september. There a good chance your parents started the new year with a bang.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 23:38 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy new year! The south still lost the civil war.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 02:35 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 02:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s time for a new holiday, where people give gifts they don’t want.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 04:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold, I actually saw a gangsta pull his pants up.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just accidentally keyed someone's car with my nipples.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never tie your shoelaces in Paris.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whew ... made it through December and managed to stay below Venezuela’s debt level
←Rate | 01-01-2018 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my wife that before the dogs and I go out, she needs to give us the 3rd Degree. Because at least 3 degrees is warmer than what ever it is currently in the Tundra called the midwestern U.S.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 16:50 by JiffyPop Comments (0)  

   messageicon Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think about you I play with my weiner!
←Rate | 01-01-2018 16:54 by Jimmied Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am starting a GoFundMe to buy popcorn tomorrow night at the movies
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just saw a fox trying to jump-start another fox.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - 2018 starts with a full moon - 2018 is the year of the dog I’m onto you, werewolves.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heard there was a kidnapping at the school. Untill the teacher woke him up.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 01:41 by Jake Comments (0)  

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