Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5665 of 5685

   messageicon I stubbed my toe on a chair and became Kanye west for two minutes
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your boyfriend remembers your eye colour after the first date, then you probably have small B**Bs
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when people are at your house and ask, “Hey do you have a bathroom?” Nooooo not at all, we all dump in the yard
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, if you wait until your 30s to donate your eggs, they'll tell you no and that you'll have to find another way to finance your kitchen remodeling project.
←Rate | 12-14-2017 08:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a Café Mocha Valium Latte.
←Rate | 12-14-2017 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really it's coming on?
←Rate | 12-14-2017 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What people need are Café Mocha Marijuana Latte's. . .
←Rate | 12-14-2017 09:27 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does this mean we'll have to pay more to access webpages that were free?
←Rate | 12-14-2017 18:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before we start having any hope for the future of humanity, we should really look into how Women park Cars
←Rate | 12-15-2017 06:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My brother-in-law likes to brag how he always eats right, exercises, doesn't smoke or drink, sees his doctor every year for a checkup etc. I told him that someday he is going to look awful stupid lying in a hospital dying from nothing.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Meaning of Life is simply to give your Life Meaning.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend with weed is a friend in need of rehab.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:39 by Mr.Conservative Comments (0)  


   messageicon Darth Vader: The first black guy to admit he's the father.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than to be fooled by a kiss.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 13:59 by @BlackieBino1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're in a relationship. I don't know why you feel the need to upload 10 selfies a day. Look at your boyfriend instead of a camera
←Rate | 12-16-2017 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think people should make New Years resolutions for NO MORE SELFIES IN BATHROOMS, Seriously you and your toilet are not sexy
←Rate | 12-16-2017 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Woman Finding Out AFTER Long Search On Net That..... "Phillip's 21 Inch" Was Actually Just a T.V.
←Rate | 12-16-2017 06:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:39 by markf Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left