Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If Domino's changed their marketing plan to just call me at random times and ask if they could send over a pizza, the answer would be yes every time.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kinda jealous how a rooster starts his day by screaming his head off, and we are all okay with that
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crazy glue is like regular glue except it forgot to take its meds
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if I ever do remarry I am going to find one of those government agents who can't talk about what they do all day.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes, your smart devices can talk to each other now and they are giggling about you behind your back.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 20:25 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have a bladder infection, "urine" trouble.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 21:59 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Karma has no menu. You're served what your deserve
←Rate | 01-20-2018 23:30 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mathias Bachmeier is proof that the US police force isn't perfect.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 23:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Read a book on how to have a happy marriage. It stated to treat your wife the way you did while dating her. So after dinner tonight I'll drop her off at her parents house.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
←Rate | 01-21-2018 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Great now there’s a lipoflavonoid challenge. I have no idea what that is but it doesn’t sound good
←Rate | 01-21-2018 15:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just turned on the Sag awards to be disappointed it’s not about 70s porn stars....
←Rate | 01-21-2018 21:18 by JP Comments (0)  

   messageicon Great thing take time, be patient, they will happen.
←Rate | 01-21-2018 21:35 by Justathought Comments (2)  

   messageicon I rather be tired from working than to be broke.
←Rate | 01-21-2018 21:38 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can you tell if a man is blind at a nudist colony? It's not hard.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 00:54 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't change to get people to like you. Be your self and they will respect you.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 01:58 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon Statistics say more than one third of marriages start online. The other two thirds will end online
←Rate | 01-22-2018 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Having daughters can increase life expectancy for fathers
←Rate | 01-22-2018 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With most women it's not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at......LOL Who am I kidding, even the homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff
←Rate | 01-22-2018 04:38 Comments (0)  

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