Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5660 of 6367

   messageicon Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed
←Rate | 04-23-2018 06:54 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon does anyone remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile”
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never judge a clown until you've walked a mile in his shoes!
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of southern states are celebrating Confederate Memorial day today(4/23) even though the official date is April 26. Confederate Memorial Day is a legal holiday observe in the southern states.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 15:58 Comments (5)  


   messageicon Just purchased the Barbie doll Collector's Edition. Comes complete with a pre-nup and all of Ken's stuff!
←Rate | 04-23-2018 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys we're having "Little Seizures" tonight!
←Rate | 04-24-2018 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do ugly strippers charge as much as the pretty ones?
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after the meal.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the toothbrush was invented in England. If it was invented anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:59 by Jake Comments (7)  


   messageicon My wife says I only have two faults. #1. I don't pay enough attention to her. #2. And something else.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 19:04 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 19:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having one child makes you a parent. Having two a referee
←Rate | 04-25-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Most of you believe that this is April. It’s actually the 114th of January.
←Rate | 04-25-2018 21:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I first heard of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' I initially thought it was supposed to be a Star Trek show about the Klingon rivals...
←Rate | 04-26-2018 01:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a reason why Kayne West is broke.
←Rate | 04-26-2018 03:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some young millennial social justice warrior told me I need to check my white privilege. OK. I checked. I'm white and feel privileged to be so. I'm done here.
←Rate | 04-26-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left