Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hey kids, try the real Tide challenge. Get off your butt and wash your own clothes and fold them.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 00:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All those exercise videos are worthless, I watch them over and over and not even lost a Kg
←Rate | 01-16-2018 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Difference between House and Home : HOUSE is where you fart in headphones mode HOME is where you fart in Dolby surround mode
←Rate | 01-16-2018 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who get offended on Facebook are the same people that take mini golf seriously
←Rate | 01-16-2018 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a 100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?" Now thats what I call being BOLD
←Rate | 01-16-2018 02:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It took years for my wife to get me to put down the toilet seat. In retrospect, I really don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My shrink keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects. But what does he know? He's a lamp.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And then there was the cannibal who passed his neighbor in the woods.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd". Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?
←Rate | 01-16-2018 10:35 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Best catch phrase to make fun of: Fake News.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 17:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think Hawaii's Emergency alert system is bad , you should see their birth certificate system. . .
←Rate | 01-16-2018 19:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet ?
←Rate | 01-16-2018 20:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe they could add a little pop-up saying "Are you sure? This action cannot be undone" before sending an important message like NUCLEAR MISSILE ALERT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE
←Rate | 01-16-2018 20:43 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mom raised me to believe saying "Shut up" was the worst thing you could say to someone, but I knew I could be so much more
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back in my day we didn't have pods, we had Dry Powder, and we liked it.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon PLease don't talk to me about the weather. I recorded this season of The Weather Channel all week and haven't had time to watch it yet.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No thanks. 5 hours of energy sounds way too upsetting.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK, it's official. Tide Pods don't taste anywhere near as good as they look. (Don't ask me how I know this...)
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Big moment here: I just finished building that gingerbread house for the holidays.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 21:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every office should have a Parliament mode, when you don't wanna work, start shouting and go home
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:23 Comments (0)  

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