Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You can’t play it safe and have fun; but with fun, there comes a price.
←Rate | 11-26-2017 04:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Claustrophobic : A person afraid of Santa Claus
←Rate | 11-26-2017 07:55 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just been to the gym for the 5th time in a week, and people are saying things like "well done!", "that's so impressive!", and "you can't come in here just to use the vending machine
←Rate | 11-26-2017 10:59 by Tallmtnman Comments (1)  

   messageicon Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.
←Rate | 11-27-2017 04:50 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Today only: PetSmart is giving away free canaries with no perches necessary.
←Rate | 11-27-2017 08:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
←Rate | 11-27-2017 21:46 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Some times you have to ask yourself. Is it worth the rug burn. . .
←Rate | 11-28-2017 19:21 by JAB Comments (1)  

   messageicon R. M. Was turned down on his offer to play santa at an all girls middle school.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 00:00 Comments (1)  

   messageicon My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch, its called #LUNCH
←Rate | 11-29-2017 04:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To evwryone that I probably sexual harass this year... I really need this job
←Rate | 11-29-2017 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon breaking news... sorry folks, christmas has been cancelled due to santa being fired for asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...
←Rate | 11-29-2017 10:33 by bdog Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't think I can name one unemployed coal miner who has gotten a job in the last 10 months.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 11:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon christmas has been cancelled this year due to santa being fired for inappropriate behavior by asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...
←Rate | 11-29-2017 12:24 by bdog Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I was right! - I tell my wife about buying the genetically modified turkey as I eat the 5th turkey leg
←Rate | 11-29-2017 12:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The punisher is like every other Marvel Tv show on Netflix. Could have done everything in 2 episodes but decided to add 8 more unnecessary ones.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teach your children about rejection by getting them a cat
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:30 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I am fully prepared to replace Donald Trump with the guy who says dilly dilly in the beer commercials
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:33 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I sleep with a gun under my bed, in case someone breaks in and decides to throw clay pigeons into the air.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon commercial: get one diamond for your best friend, and one for your true love me: why would my dog want a diamond
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:38 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You look like the kind of person who replies to a meme with a meme
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

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