Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So Donald duck never wore pants, but when he gets out of the shower he puts a towel around his waist. What's up with that?
←Rate | 11-09-2017 10:55 Comments (2)  

   messageicon No matter what side of the aisle you lean towards or sit on, this tax plan is a soggy turdburger.
←Rate | 11-09-2017 11:14 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon Public Restrooms attract the weirdest people. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.
←Rate | 11-09-2017 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say that laughter is the best medicine. But if you're laughing for no reason, you need medicien.
←Rate | 11-09-2017 16:48 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it when I misplace my cell phone it set on silent
←Rate | 11-09-2017 21:39 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:22 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon [creating humans] God: They need oxygen to live Assistant: Boring God: They can climax sexually if their oxygen supply is low A: Nice, nice
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, I don't want to hold your baby. It looks sticky.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:30 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My only form of communication today is shaking my head.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Tom Steyer needs to be taken out and shot, resuscitated, and shot again.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:57 Comments (7)  

   messageicon If the people I come in contact with daily could read my mind I'd get punch in the face alot.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 23:58 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you to all the Veterans enjoy this day of honor.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 03:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I make jokes about being out of shape because it's soooo much easier than going to the gym.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, so while you were perfecting your grammar in 12th grade English class, I was doing the teacher. I got the A.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 10:17 by BusterHyman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now Russia is accusing Russia of meddling in Russia's internal affairs, and is demanding Russia register as a foreign agent by Monday.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 11:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck but it smells kinda fishy, it's probably a Democrat trying to keep their office...
←Rate | 11-11-2017 12:29 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Message to NFL Players taking a knee....It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 15:44 Comments (1)  

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