Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I bought a new Christmas Tree today. The shop owner said to me, "Are you going to put that up yourself?", "No" I replied, "I was thinking to put it in the Lounge!"
←Rate | 11-20-2017 05:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crustard: The dried mustard on the cap.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow" sound terrifying.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 12:46 by TallMtnMan Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a man puts a vibrator to his ear he’ll hear how he’s not good in bed.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Donald Trump drinks water the same way squirrels eat nutz.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 13:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way Hollywood actors are these days, Charles Manson may have simply been ahead of his time.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 15:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This Thanksgiving, comedians, especially Alec Baldwin, should give thanks for Trump.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 17:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Global Warming must be true, it seems a lot of snow flakes are melting this year.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 18:00 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Kim jong nu looks like a korean garden gnome
←Rate | 11-20-2017 18:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Upon learning about the death of his idol Charles Manson, Chuck Schumer wept and was quoted, "He taught me all that I know!"
←Rate | 11-20-2017 19:10 by Willabeman Comments (2)  

   messageicon Gary Hinman, Sharon Tate, Jay Sebring, Abigail Folger, Wojciech Frykowski, Stephen Parent, Leno LaBianca and Rosemary LaBianca. Hopefully their families have a little peace tonight. There's a little less evil in world.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 21:05 by Nene Comments (1)  

   messageicon If Charles Manson doesn’t bust hell wide open I don’t know who will.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 21:10 by Estabien Comments (0)  

   messageicon White house report: Trump to pardon himself this week........ oh ! My mistake, it's a real turkey to be pardon.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 22:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your posts are going viral, just like herpes.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 22:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before you open your mouth about Trump, try to understand. No One Likes You.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 22:58 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Holy crap! With all these famous people getting the skeletons pulled out of their closets, I'm starting to feel like a saint.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 23:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump is telling 59,000 Haitians, currently living legally in the United States, to self-deport. Whats even more mind boggling is you people see nothing wrong with that? Why is he on a mission to target blacks???
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:11 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Of course you can use bacon grease as furniture polish. *licks coffee table*
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:11 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sure hope no one has high expectations of me today.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:13 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Trump dies one good deed and he wants an Oscar for his performance. Whatever happened to staying humble?
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:18 Comments (1)  

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