Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5651 of 5817

   messageicon Two F-words rednecks can't stand: Fire & Fury.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 20:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There sure were a lot of lesbian nuns in the 70s.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 22:13 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Take it to the next level. Fire and Fury audiobook narrated by Hillary Clinton.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 22:58 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Babies cry at night to prevent their parents from making another one.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 00:34 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon my new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
←Rate | 01-06-2018 01:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winter storm named Grayson sounds like it should be wearing a tweed jacket
←Rate | 01-06-2018 02:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I’m not sure who to believe
←Rate | 01-06-2018 05:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone should open a Gym in just the month of January and call it "resolutions"
←Rate | 01-06-2018 05:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". The husband asks for sex. The wife says, "No." Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" She responds, "Yes." He says, "Then, Id like to phone a friend."
←Rate | 01-06-2018 05:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got scammed out of $15. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys, if you're not married, but thinking about it, remember; a wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and the house is gone.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 08:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Question for the 84 year old widow who just won the Mega Millions jackpot: Sup, girl?
←Rate | 01-06-2018 13:41 Comments (3)  

   messageicon "I'm, like, really smart." - Donald Trump, 45th POTUS. I'm glad he cleared that up, because he had the whole world fooled.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 19:41 Comments (1)  

   messageicon When the shovel was invented, it was a ground breaking experience.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 20:43 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder, where in the hell are the dream police!
←Rate | 01-07-2018 12:07 by MWC Comments (4)  

   messageicon I went to the doctor because I couldn’t stop listening to Tom Jones. He told me it’s not unusual
←Rate | 01-07-2018 14:37 by MWC Comments (1)  

   messageicon It's so cold out I walked into my bank and the tellers were wearing ski masks
←Rate | 01-07-2018 23:08 by Depirts Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
←Rate | 01-08-2018 06:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My goal for 2018 is to accomplish goals of 2017,which I should have done in 2016,cause I promised them in 2015 and planned them in 2015
←Rate | 01-08-2018 06:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fire fighters confirmed that the fire did not start in Trumps library 📚
←Rate | 01-08-2018 08:13 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left