Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Gross thought of the day... Vienna sausage juice.
←Rate | 11-14-2017 20:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope
←Rate | 11-14-2017 20:54 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Irony: People waving Confederate flags telling others, "get over it, you lost".
←Rate | 11-14-2017 23:59 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Superman wears glasses, everyone thinks he’s a different person. I wear glasses people say: “Hey, why are you wearing glasses?”
←Rate | 11-15-2017 05:06 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon -inventing vodka- who’s thirsty for yeast infected potato juice?
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only person I wanna chat with is my dog.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it wasn't for online porn I couldn't spell amateur.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wife: I'm having a baby. me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have a baby as well.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Donald Trump is presidential; Jeff Sessions is honest; Roy Moore is a Christian; and Blake Shelton is the "Sexiest Man Alive." It's like America has totally stopped trying.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 14:00 Comments (1)  

   messageicon My sex tape is 60 mins long, 58 minutes of it are arguing
←Rate | 11-15-2017 14:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't recall what I can't recall because I can't recall it. Jeff Session
←Rate | 11-15-2017 18:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Dominatrix is so cruel and kinky, she makes me drink orange juice right after I brush my teeth.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 00:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't help to think that if Roy Moore was black, he'd be hanging from a tree in Alabama, rather than getting praises and support for sexual harassing women. Only in the south, am I right?
←Rate | 11-16-2017 00:33 Comments (2)  

   messageicon After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes...... "No hablo ingles."
←Rate | 11-16-2017 02:50 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation... My Czech is in the mail
←Rate | 11-16-2017 02:51 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor said I'm healthy enough for sexua activityl. She said I'm just not attractive enough.....
←Rate | 11-16-2017 02:54 by Fr8Train Comments (1)  

   messageicon I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy... Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 02:56 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just because you're trash doesn't mean you cant do great things...Its called a Garbage Can,Not a Garbage Cannot.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 04:25 by negrodamus Comments (0)  

   messageicon All these revelations of sexual harassment, groping etc coming out of Hollywood is horrible...but how is Richard Dawson not being mentioned? That dude used to do it right on TV (Family Feud)!
←Rate | 11-16-2017 13:05 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The good news for AL Franken is this should make him a contender for President
←Rate | 11-16-2017 16:22 by MarkBomchill Comments (0)  

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