Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon says I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
←Rate | 11-29-2009 19:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the story first broke…and the police said they couldn't figure out where Tiger was going at 2:30 Friday morning…was I the only one thinking, ‘Hello!?!?! Walmart!!!'
←Rate | 11-29-2009 19:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - Ok, so you say I shouldn't drink and drive. I understand that part, but then how the f*#@ am I supposed to get home?
←Rate | 11-29-2009 18:47 by Lloyd Comments (0)  

   messageicon I knew that I could outdrive Tiger Woods
←Rate | 11-29-2009 18:34 by timoteo Comments (0)  

   messageicon If sex is a pain in the arse,then you're doing it wrong.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 17:04 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if crematoriums give discount to people who die in a fire?
←Rate | 11-29-2009 15:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon dear Santa, let me explain...
←Rate | 11-29-2009 15:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people;17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML
←Rate | 11-29-2009 15:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let's put the kid's to bed and play with the box they came in!
←Rate | 11-29-2009 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you were this awesome, your name would be X as well.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out & my pants off but that doesn't narrow it down much.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 11:38 by BCJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:39 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw an unemployed,homeless dwarf. He had a sign that said "No job. Too small."
←Rate | 11-29-2009 10:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!
←Rate | 11-29-2009 08:46 by Mr. Craig Comments (0)  

   messageicon never meddles in the affairs of dragons, for he is crunchy and good with ketchup
←Rate | 11-28-2009 00:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if it wasnt for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all!!!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 21:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was a jumper the first place i'd jump is right into megans fox's panties..:)
←Rate | 11-27-2009 19:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Theres a party tonight. Climb my leg and you can have a ball..
←Rate | 11-27-2009 19:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're not a douche because you paint your face and dress up with spikes on your shoulder pads, you're a douche because you're a Raiders fan!!!
←Rate | 11-27-2009 18:27 by mat2sm00th Comments (0)  

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