Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon gotta feeling tonight's gonna be a good night.
←Rate | 08-23-2009 16:58 by Katie Comments (0)  

   messageicon The neighbor's kids are named Titus and Judah. Either the couple is Greek, or they smoke ALOT of dope.
←Rate | 08-23-2009 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon put the wrong socks on the wrong feet this morning.
←Rate | 08-22-2009 23:23 by Kev-o Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to procrastinate... well, not today... perhaps tomorrow!
←Rate | 08-21-2009 16:07 by snoopy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thinks Women are like scratch-off tickets… There fun to do, ….. Most of the time they turn out to be losers, …. If your lucky you'll get a winner, ……. And in the end you spend more than you get!
←Rate | 08-21-2009 14:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And on Friday God created alcohol, and Adam was happy! It had been a long first week with Eve
←Rate | 08-21-2009 06:10 by Psym0n Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently you have been misinformed, because the ONLY advantage you have over me is... you can "kiss my ass" and I cant...
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If ten percent is good enough for God; it should be good enough forObama...
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.....
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither theory works.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A good rule of thumb is, if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There's nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If God sneezed, what would you say to him?
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is bra singular and panties plural?
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:46 Comments (0)  

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