Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 13:46 by Middletits Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most folks are gonna stay up til midnight to see the new year in.....I'm gonna stay up to make damn sure the old year leaves.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 13:25 by coingirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when the terrorist had the bomb in his shoe? That's the reason why we've gotta take our shoes off at airport security now. This most recent terrorist had the bomb in his underwear. Enjoy your flights - I'm going commando now...
←Rate | 12-31-2009 12:37 by Kevin-Dallas Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there weren't geeks in this world, then there'd be no cool people. I'd like to thank all the geeks.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 11:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering how to get blood and coffee stains off the ceiling
←Rate | 12-31-2009 11:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..New Year's Resolution: Drink More. Fall Down Less. She'll put that to the test tonight.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 11:32 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..if i.....if I remember new years eve, then there is something seriously wrong.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 10:27 by Jake (some credit to Lisa Z.) Comments (0)  

   messageicon not a fan of becoming overweight and bald, but is even less of a fan of doing something about it.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon using reverse psychology for the New Year. Since wishing people a “Happy New Year” has not brought people much luck throughout the years, she has decided to turn their luck around and wish them a bad New Year so……Have a bad New Year everyone!!!
←Rate | 12-31-2009 08:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when Ronald Reagan was president, we also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash still with us. Now we have Obama but no Hope and no Cash
←Rate | 12-31-2009 08:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon determined to break into the Porn Industry in 2010. I'm not going to listen this time to anyone who says I'm over qualified!
←Rate | 12-31-2009 04:48 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon says the funny thing to do is get in a elevator where everyone is going a couple floors up and let a silent one go and watch peoples faces
←Rate | 12-31-2009 01:29 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you change the world? One single act of random kindness at a time. Everyone needs to forget about unrealistic New Year's resolutions... Pledge to do something you can actually do daily and it works: Be nice to others.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:34 by Kevin-Dallas Comments (0)  

   messageicon • Do you know one good thing about Monday? ...I can't think of anything either. OK Monday, here I come.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:33 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon shocked by the attempted plane bombing. After all those emails about lotteries and wealthy strangers who want to transfer hundreds of thousands to my account, he thought we could trust the Nigerians.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:30 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon ... so the failed bomb was sewn to the inside of his underpants? How does that impact his hope of 72 virgins? Just imagine his expression as they stomped out the fire. :O
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:28 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon For my new year's resolution I will think of a password other than “password”
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:13 by Julius Andres Comments (0)  

   messageicon on double secret probation through the end of the year!
←Rate | 12-30-2009 23:03 by Name Mikeor @twittername Comments (0)  

   messageicon I understand Rush has lost a lot of weight recently...Crystal Meth is amazing!
←Rate | 12-30-2009 22:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has used many of these's [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to help women further their education..or say that was what I was told at the time...
←Rate | 12-30-2009 22:41 Comments (0)  

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