Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hello. HP? I'd like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 08:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's pretty bad when Playboy deletes their FB page because they don't want to be associated with "low values"
←Rate | 03-29-2018 10:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it my illegal logging operation is a success.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun fact: If you cut off all the hair on your body and laid it end to end...You'd be some kind of weirdo.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 15:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parental Pro-tip...Having trouble waking up your teenager? Unplug and pick up their phone. It wakes them up instantly
←Rate | 03-29-2018 16:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend ask me why I haven't married yet. I said if I didn't have to live with my wife I would get married.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 20:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Caroline Sunshine went from one mickey mouse organiation to another one.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 21:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After all the "Stormy" there's some "Sunshine" in the white house
←Rate | 03-29-2018 23:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I'm sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How TF is Easter, April Fools, and Rent Due all on the same day?!
←Rate | 03-30-2018 12:06 by LaffnAtUSucka Comments (1)  


   messageicon I don't care what you say about Zombies. Zombies love you for your brain, not your beauty.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon every girl like to be swept of her feet,.... its when you put her in the trunk that she freaks out.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my credit is so bad, they stopped giving me gift cards.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon how do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon remember the time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate?
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my ex was so obsessed with her horoscope. its what Taurus apart.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Pope has now said "there is no Hell". Where am I gonna tell people to go now?
←Rate | 03-30-2018 15:55 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'm a bird watcher. But when I go bird watching it seem to makes the men unconfortable in the men room
←Rate | 03-30-2018 20:53 by Guesswho Comments (0)  


   messageicon My labrador Retriver chewed up my TV remote controll. Now every time he farts the TV turns off.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 21:27 by Jake Comments (1)  




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