Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5619 of 6370
I'm getting so old, I need to take a nap so I'll have the energy to go to bed. :)
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02-22-2018 02:08 by Jake
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I have a real life autocorrect, my wife. :-)
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02-22-2018 02:28 by Jake
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My Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking. So no more drive through KFC. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
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02-22-2018 04:31
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Real friendship is lending your Facebook password to your friend so that he/she can stalk their Ex
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02-22-2018 04:31
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"Aww. You shouldn't have" is woman for "if you didn't, you better start praying"
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02-22-2018 04:32
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My boss wants to send me to a Time Management training class. Is he serious? I'm way too busy for that!
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02-22-2018 07:17
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Nothing around here makes sense. If something did make sense it wouldn’t make sense because in order to make sense it can’t make sense. Am I making sense?
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02-22-2018 11:09
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my way of gun control is standing mine in the corner and making it stand there till I need it again
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02-22-2018 13:25
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Not going to debate gun control with people who eat laundry soap and don't know which bathroom to use.
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02-22-2018 19:35
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What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances? Retired.
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02-22-2018 22:19 by Jake
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Went to walmart and ask the woman's department attendant if they had maternity dresses. She said yes, what bust? I said the condom.
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02-22-2018 23:14 by Jake
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I’m glad we have such strict illegal drug laws, otherwise people would be using and over doing on them
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02-23-2018 00:53 by Heyya
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Asking new laws and expecting criminals to folllos them is the definition of insanity
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02-23-2018 00:54
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Celebrities: quit selling guns. No one needs gun beside my bodyguard
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02-23-2018 00:56 by Tomarrah
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My salt shaker has been clogged for two years now, so don't come to me with your issues
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02-23-2018 05:40
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How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
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02-23-2018 05:41
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Girls want attention, Women want respect. But Men want both... And I mean - both Girls and Women
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02-23-2018 05:41
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When they ship styrofoam. What do the pack it in?
Why is it that losing with dignity and grace is no longer the right thing to do?
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02-23-2018 11:33
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We really do need a rating system for movies so children won't be influenced by watching the wrong movies.
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02-23-2018 11:44
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