Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All these revelations of sexual harassment, groping etc coming out of Hollywood is horrible...but how is Richard Dawson not being mentioned? That dude used to do it right on TV (Family Feud)!

   The good news for AL Franken is this should make him a contender for President

   A man dining in a restaurant asked his server "Do you have frog legs?" The server replied "Yes". The man said, "Then hop into the kitchen and bring me my dinner!"

   Beer tastes better when you have to work the next day, it’s science

   If you're constantly stirring the pot, not only should you be required to lick the spoon, but also have that spoon jammed up your butt. Perhaps that's your goal anyways.

   Better vote right on all the left stuff and left on all the right stuff every ten minutes. I’m extremely immature.

   Nothing morally bankrupt about homosexuality, Obama said it was okay.

   The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.

   People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.

   I bet you Trump pronounces the country 'Niger' with an extra "g" in the middle.

   Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”

   And I care about Charles Manson going to the hospital because?

   Welcome to another episode of Am I Dying or Just Really Tired?

   I liked Meatloaf before he got all soft on us and changed his name to Adele.

   A report says Fred Flintstone forced a 16-year-old girl into having sex with him and Barney Rubble......

   Breaking news! Colin Kaepernick spotted working at a McDonald’s in Northern California!

   Where were these 22 year old female teachers back when I was in high school?

   If you use the term “butt hurt” a lot, no need for the rainbow sticker. We already know.

   You know it was a rough night when your IPhone doesn't recognize you in the morning.

   It's better to be kissed by a fool than be fooled by a kiss