Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5547 of 6370
I like it when my girl plays the hard to get game with me, and ends up letting me have my way
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10-05-2010 12:29
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Just treated myself to a couple of chocolate fingers ..... That's the LAST time I buy cheap toilet paper.
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10-05-2010 12:10 by jimbo
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How does that old saying go.. Nice guys finish, In their hand?
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10-05-2010 10:43 by boo
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No! You cant have my Heart,the Doctor said i'll be dead without it.
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10-05-2010 10:19
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didn't wake up to meet your expectations, He/her woke up to go to the bathroom.
Theres no feeling as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment you realize that your finger just went through the toilet paper...
Sometimes I just gotta take a ride on the Dude Train
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10-05-2010 09:11 by Rounders
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Sometimes I keep my car windows down just to allow other drivers the opportunity to see such a handsome man.
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10-05-2010 09:10 by Rounders
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I wish some1 would invent a pillow that has soap, deodorant, eggs, bacon, juice, my clothes & where I'm suppose to be already in it.
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10-05-2010 08:49
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just seen Roy Hodgson speeding down the motorway at 140mph, with a splif in one hand a can of Carlsberg in the other. This fella will do anything for 3 points!!
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10-05-2010 08:28 by @clarkysj
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off slapping people with pickles
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10-05-2010 07:58
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Breaking News: The National Weather Center has issued a tornado warning for Western NY. For your own safety head to Ralph Wilson Stadium, they're not worried about a touchdown there.......
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10-05-2010 07:48 by Bill
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Majot Internet Lie committed by everyone: I Have read & agreed to the terms & conditions.
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10-05-2010 05:54
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facebook should have a "like" button and a "like omg" for blondes
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10-05-2010 00:59 by L
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Where do babies come from? Two teenagers and a six-pack
heard about the new miracle diet? Its called "The Garlic Diet", where you eat nothing but garlic, and you instantly look thinner... from a distance...
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10-04-2010 21:40
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Liking your own comment is like the facebook version of self-pleasure.
Lamp shades: Hats of the future
I'm gonna keep poking you until you bruise.
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10-04-2010 19:42
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I never read and will never read your 55 page terms of use. I will always agree, so stop asking me to confirm that I read it.