Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5545 of 6371
In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.
9 out of 10 men smell their finger after scratching their nuts
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10-06-2010 12:19 by bb
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I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".
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10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron
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I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.
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10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron
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- David Cameron says `Your country needs you` ....... No David , this country needs you to Fu@k Off ! You posh wanker ...
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10-06-2010 12:07
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Call off the search for Waldo. I think this large man on the bus, wearing a red and white striped hat, ate him.
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10-06-2010 12:05 by Aaron
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The first time I got drunk, I threw up in a neighbor's silverware drawer. I just closed it and never looked back.
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10-06-2010 12:05 by Aaron
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Did you know that no two farts are exactly alike? It's true. Farts are sort of like snowflakes in that regard. Little, invisible, smelly, snowflakes.
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10-06-2010 10:56
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"I like" IF EVERYONE stops writing where they "like it" ... thank you!
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10-06-2010 10:50 by Lui
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A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for some batteries. The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said,"Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the batteries!"
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Cookie Monster: People ask me what me favorite kind of cookie, but me no can choose! Me equal opportunity eater.
If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.
how come the nesquik rabbit can drink his milk while the trix rabbit can't eat his food?
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10-06-2010 09:52
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likes it on the floor, next to the bed, so she doesn't forget it it when I kick her out in the morning
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10-06-2010 09:38 by Vybe
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Told a girl free refills with a magic mouth. I guess she never saw that snickers commercial...
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10-06-2010 08:19
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could care less where you leave it - as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.
Sometimes you just have to accept you can`t win every battle , no matter how hard you try .. but just because you lost a battle doesn`t mean you can`t win the war.
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10-06-2010 07:04
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doesn't want none unless you got buns hun
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10-06-2010 06:53
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- Advice !! Something we seek as long as it`s an answer we wanted in the first place.... Like you want me to reaffirm your choice !!
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10-06-2010 06:50
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