Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why aren't all of the social justice warriors out helping hurricane victims?! Too soon?!

   Colin Kaepernick + "Free Speech" = Free Agent!

   If Democrats ever thought illegals were voting for Republicans, you'd be able to see the wall from outer space!

   If protesting for social justice was good for business, THEN...Kaepernick would have a job! The NFL will soon be in hospice care.

   If you don't remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.

   Poor Hillary can't get a break. She was at a Chinese restaurant, and when she cracked open the fortune cookie, a ballot with Trump's name was in it.

   Roy Moore wins Alabama's Republican Senate primary, defeating Trump-backed candidate. Trump throws tantrum.

   NFL doctor's may have a new term for head concussions. The Trump syndrome.

   97-year-old WWII vet goes viral after 'taking a knee' to support NFL players.

   A bachelor dates 20 hot girls all at the same time, and they are all good with this, and they call it a "reality show."

   Tweets are expanding to 280 characters and now I am looking for someone to write a forward for my soon-to-be-published tweet.

   Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.

   If lemons could talk I bet they would say "Hey! Did you know you have a papercut?"

   Why doesn't this superglue lock on things tightly like it does its own cap?

   It looks like everyone wants Jon Snow to play NFL...he wont bend a knee

   Whenever someone tells me "things could always be worse", I try to be optimistic and reply "things could always be better." That's the power of positive thinking, right?

   When you and your friends are watching NFL games at home, do you stand for the National Anthem or continues to sit on the couch, drink your beer and eat nacho's?

   Alejandro Villanueva is a coward. He can stand up to the enemy on the battlefield, but he can't stand up to a bunch of whiny crybaby millionaires.

   Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

   Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?