Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Friends are a bad influence. And I would just like to thank them for that.

   I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.

   if you know what a 8-track tape is...you are considered a dinosaur now

   if only priceline has health insurance...then there would be no need for goverment intervention

   Likes it put up so it doesn't get in the way of her doing her chores.

   I don't really care where you put it, as long as you don't make me hold it!!!

   You and I wake up in jail together. Using only FOUR words, what would you say to me? Leave me a comment.... Then copy and paste this in your status and see what funny things your friends say....(if you make a comment you have to put this in your status)

   I always have the urge to ride one of those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

   BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?

   duck....duck...duck...grey goose!

   has no one to play with, all of her imaginary friends are on timeout or grounded

   Likes it in the kitchen... where it belongs

   NOTHING is more awkward then walking down an empty hallway and passing someone who you use to talk to but don't anymore.

   They say Taco Bell tacos aren't really Mexican. Well if it does the job at half the price... then it can't be any more Mexican that that!!!

   Education is expensive, but ignorance is more so.

   I don't know what I want, but I do know I don't have it.

   One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

   Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

   I can't stand complainers and I'm not good at keeping secrets. I should probably rethink my career choice as a therapist.

   Stop telling me where you like to put your handbag!!! (although I am not sure what your handbag has to do with your breasts unless you say you rest it on your chest ...).