Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   CALL 1-800-OUR-BAD, IF YOUR BRAKES DONT WORK.

   woke up really really really early today just to post on facebook "i've beaten my alarmclock today"

   ha today is10/10/10

   on the way to Comaland. That's about 24 minutes north of Shutupimsleepingville, which is right outside of Setthealarm Village.

   What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

   Whoever said laughter is the best medicine never had diarrhea!

   Girl was laughing when she saw my lil wee wee...You should have saw her face when I said GO GO GADGET

   I just gave my chiwawa a can of mighty dog. He is now in alaska pulling a dog sled. By himself

   I wanna know heather 25's full name so I can find her on facebook. She is pretty damn funny

   anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?

   Don't get me wrong, I totally hear what you're saying, I just don't give a d*mn.

   If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.

   Don't you hate that moment when you think to yourself, why did I just say that?

   I feel a sin comin on....

   I wonder how police on bikes arrest people, "Alright, get in the basket."

   You can't force someone to love you, you can only stalk them and hope for the best.

   The GOLDEN rule in my house is...IF it's funny your not in trouble.

   NO officer, I did not hit her, I simply FIST pumped her face.

   Sometimes I open the fridge and stare at the contents for no reason at all.

   Just found out that I've been on double secret probation for quite sometime now.